Personal Recognizance Bond Part 2

Posted on Wed 12th Jun, 2013 @ 10:56pm by Lieutenant JG Xavier Lee & Lieutenant JG Giellun Hitchins

2,887 words; about a 14 minute read

Mission: http://sb109.sim-station.net/index.php/sim/missions/id/4
Location: Xavier's quarters
Timeline: tbd

Previously on SB Protector:

Xavier took a deep breath, this entire conversation wasn't making sense and it was pissing him off. He wasn't quite sure why he did it, but he needed the answers he was seeking, now. So Xavier reached into Giellun's mind and extracted the relevant information. He had only intended to skim the Romulan's surface thoughts, but quickly discovered that there was an entire back story to the whole of this situation, a complex

And now the continuation:



Giellun's stupidity annoyed Xavier further. "No you green-blooded fool, I don't care about that," yes i do but that's a whole other issue. "You can't go off on some vengeance mission to kill your boss's brother. Does that uniform mean nothing to you? Don't I?"

Then realization hit the half Romulan, he let the fool comment slide, but not the rest. The anger that had been just below the surface began to seep through like steam from the fissures of a soon to erupt volcano. "I didn't say anything about killing anyone I said bring to justice.

You could only know, or think you know if you used your Betazid powers to.. to.. whatever you call it, I say you invaded my mind. I thought you weren't supposed to do that without my permission. And I don't think he would actually kill him, I don't think he COULD actually kill him. Not in cold blood anyway."

He pushed back from the chair and stood to his feet so that he was face to face and toe to toe with his boyfriend, he hadn't raised his voice, but the edge to it had grown exponentially. "You should have gone all the way with your little probe then you could have seen what I wanted to talk with you about.

On Brian's world they have a ceremony called Bonding. It draws two people together stronger than a marriage vow. It means that even if one of the partners isn't telepathic they can still communicate mentally with their bondmate. Its normally closed to outsiders. Over their history fewer than 50 or so non-natives have been allowed to go through the ceremony.

That's another reason I was going back. To visit with their Elders. That's what I wanted to talk with you about, that's why I cooked dinner, that's why the candles. I wanted to take our relationship to the next level..."

The tips of his ears were turning green as he continued, "You haven't even told me you love me. You've been dancing around the issue for days. I tried to cut you some slack because I know you've been through Hell but you can't keep playing with my emotions and then get pissed at me. Its not fair!"

There were tears at the corners of his eyes and he didn't know whether to punch or kiss the man standing before him.

"You want to take our relationship to the next level?" Xavier repeated. He decided to skip the whole mind invasion issue and push the guilty feelings to the back of his mind. He was sure that Giellun wouldn't let him forget such a personal violation and Xavier couldn't blame him; there really was no excuse for what he had done.

"What the hell Gil? The next level would be sharing each other's room access codes, or possibly thinking of moving in together, or planning a vacation together or maybe even deciding to get a dog together. Any of those I could consider as the next level on your crazy relationship calendar. What definitely is not the next level is bonding with someone and merging our minds as one. How could you possibly think that is the next level to our dysfunctional, out of control relationship? Seriously, what the HELL?"

Xavier had tears in his eyes at this point but not because he was upset or even hurt, he was angry, oh so angry. He couldn't believe only five-minutes ago he was afraid that the man in front of him was going to end their relationship and now all he wanted to do was toss the Romulan out of the nearest airlock. Xavier turned his back on Giellun and paced to the other side of the room, around the table. As he did so he mentally counted to ten, hoping that he could control the fumes that threatened to consume him at any moment. When he felt he had things under control he turned back to face Giellun with his now cold, dark eyes.

"Days, mere days," Xavier said as though continuing a conversation he had started in his head. "You're freaking out because a few days ago you told me you love me and I haven't said it back? Did it occur to you that I might not be ready? Did it occur to you that I'm not quite sure how I feel? Of course not, because I'm a cold-hearted Betazoid who gets his kicks from toying with your emotions. But, heaven forbid we sit down and discuss it, no that's too normal, let's just bond for life!"

Giellun shook his head slightly and slowly let out a long breath. He eased back down into his seat ignoring the food there that was growing colder by the minute.

"You know I just wanted this evening to be...perfect. You can be a dick sometimes, but you do deserve it, the prefect night that is. I didn't want another confrontation, a fight. I'm not a total ass. I know that bonding is a whole new level of commitment but that was only one of the things I wanted to talk with you about. You just don't go visit the Elders one day and and the next day presto changeo you're bonded. It's a process. It can take months, maybe up to a year to get approved.

We have plenty of time to take baby steps till then." He let out another sigh.

"You know you are kinda cute when you get pissed, don't you? Seriously if you want to talk that's fine by me, I'll even go first. Two rules though. First don't try to read my thoughts without asking. That's what I mean about being a dick, one of the things anyway. Second we both have to be honest with each other. Okay?"

"Deal," Xavier replied as he slumped into a chair on the opposite side of the table. He too was fed up of fighting and arguing. He needed Giellun, more than the half-Romulan realised and more than he was prepared to admit to himself.

"Okay, its not like we just met a few days or weeks ago. However long ago it was. We've known each other for a long time. Been friends for years. "Do you remember how we met?

"No," Xavier lied. Damn he had already broken one of Giellun's rules.

"Kyle Renners birthday party."

"You know I dated your rommie Adam for few months back during our sophomore year. He was a big hunk, but you know why he broke it off. After awhile he told me that I had a crush on you back then. At first I thought it was just one of those standard break up line sort of things, but maybe he was right. Maybe that's why I can say I love you and you can't. You know, because I've loved you for a long time. It just took until now to realize theat."

Xavier ran his hand through his short hair, before he began to speak his very careful, chosen words. "I don't understand. If you know all this, if you know you've had feelings for me for so long, then why do you keep pushing me? Why would you accuse me of playing with your emotions? I've made no promises to you Giellun." He didn't want to come across as harsh, or even uncaring, but he needed to make the man in front of him understand, completely understand.

"Because I didn't know, didn't realize what it was till right now. Okay yeah maybe I knew I had feelings for you but I never allowed myself to dwell on them. And yeah I know you haven't made any promises to me and maybe that's the problem I'm expecting you to do something you're not capable of doing. Yet. So sometimes it seems you're pushing me away

As to pushing you, who is the one that 'attacked' me the other day? Who's the one that took the initiative because I wasn't moving. You know sometimes you send out mixed signals.

So you tell me where you stand. What you're thinking, what you're feeling."

Xavier had been dreading those questions. They needed to talk, they needed to sort things out, Xavier knew this. What he didn't know was how he was feeling, what he truly wanted from this, from Giellun. How was he expected to explain this all to violet-eyed-man when he wasn't sure himself? Words were so clumsy, but feelings, true feelings, were too personal. He crying out loud he was a Betazoid, he should be used to laying his feelings on the line for the world to see, complete exposure. Why then was it so hard to vocalise it?

"Gil, I am totally committed to you, for now and the foreseeable future. I think my intentions have always been clear, I've said it enough times. I don't like to, or need to plan every single aspect of our relationship. I don't need labels or declarations or bonds, we live in the present so why be so desperate to skip to the end of the story? The journey is the important part and we've only just started ours.

"I know at times I can be hard faced or even cold and believe me it's not in my nature. You are so important to me, but you always seem to be trying to advance us to that old married couple you see in your head. But I want to live, I want us to travel and have new experiences and enjoy the life we have chosen together.

"Look, I don't want to send you mix signals, but nothing happens before it's meant to. I didn't sleep with you because it wasn't the right time and then when I attacked you, it was because it felt right not because we have been dating for X-amount of weeks or because I felt I needed to. I don't want our lives together to be on some strange time-table that we must adhere to, I want us to do whatever we feel is right, whenever we feel is right. If we were to spontaneously get married tomorrow that wouldn't scare me as long as it felt right. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah it does. I'll try to relax and not try to have any set agenda. I'll really make an effort to be, you know... spontaneous." He took a sip of his wine and sat it down. He got up and walked towards the counter where the wine bottle sat. As he passed where Xavier was sitting he said, "You know Xav kinda like this..." He moved quickly towards his Betazoid friend grabbing him by the collar of his shirt hauling him to his feet. He pushed him hard against the wall and pressed his lips against the other man's lips.


Xavier fell into the role that Giellun had created for him, not minding in the slightest. It surprised him that Gil hadn't wanted to talk more, to explore their feelings to the extent of knowing absolutely everything about each other. He hadn't even explored why he, Xavier, hadn't declared his love yet. Xavier was secretly happy about this, because in truth he just didn't know. And so he allowed himself to be manhandled and revelled in the fact that Giellun was finally taking charge.

He broke the kiss for a moment. "We will again and soon. Well maybe not real soon," he said before renewing this kiss his hands sliding underneath the fabric of Xavier's shirt even as he renewed the kiss.

Xavier didn't say anything, instead he let Giellun take the lead submitting to the half-Romulan's lead, a sort of apology. As the two of them got closer and their clothes began to disappear, piece by piece, Xavier found he couldn't focus on what he was doing. As much as he tried to, he couldn't shut his telepthy off and he kept picking up Giellun's thoughts. At first they were stray ones, a fleeting feeling or sensation, natural responses to Xavier's hands and mouth, but then the thoughts became stronger; words and sentences were flooding into Xavier's mind like a broken dam.

~Not like that~

Xavier pushed Giellun away abruptly. "Did you say something?" He asked as he dark eyes searched Giellun's light violet ones.

"No I didn't say anything. Why? What did you think I said?"

Xavier probed Giellun's face for a good half a minute. He couldn't decide whether the words had come out of Gil's mouth or his mind. "Nothing," he answered finally, deciding to shrug off the whole thing.

Xavier pressed himself against Giellun again and continued from where they had left off. The passion was raw and intense, the way two new lovers were supposed to be. At least in their crazy and intense relationship they were able to get this right, in fact it was more than right, as though they were two halves of the same object finally realigning and finding their true places in the universe. In this form, there were no arguments, no jealously, no hurt feelings. This was the way they were supposed to be, eternal bliss!

But nothing lasts forever. It didn't take long for the thoughts to begin to filter through to Xavier's mind again. Thoughts, feelings, sensations, thoughts, feelings, sensations, thoughts... It was too much to take, too intense, too confusing. Xavier tried to push them out, tried to ignore them, tried to force them away but nothing worked and then something else stopped working.

~Has he gone soft?~

Xavier pushed Giellun away more abruptly this time. "Maybe if you shut up I'd be able to concentrate," he shouted at Giellun.

"I'm not saying anything damnit. What the hell is wrong with you? Look its okay I know you're going through shit now. Things happen we can wait till you're hard again or we can skip it altogether."

He reached out and touched his lovers shoulder. "Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"I'm not pushing you away," Xavier said defensively as he backed away from Giellun and his fully working manhood. He scrambled away and pulled his boxers back on. "I just need time to think," he mumbled.

Giellun let out a sigh. "Fine I'll give that to you. Will you at least sleep with me. I still want to hold you."

Xavier didn't answer, instead he made his way to the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror and studied his appearance. He looked paler than usual and a little shook up and there was no warmth behind his eyes. He wouldn't be able to sleep without Giellun next to him, he hadn't been able to since that whole business down in Section 49 Alpha, but with his telepathy playing up he wouldn't be able to sleep with Giellun's thoughts playing in his mind, so either way he was screwed. But that wasn't what was bothering him. The fact that his telepathy wasn't acting like it should, that he had no control made Xavier feel extremely vulnerable. This wasn't something he was prepared to live with, not at the moment, it was effecting him in more ways than one and he needed to be on top of his game right now, professionally and personally. Something had to be done, and as drastic as it was, Xavier knew exactly what that something was.


Giellun had known Xavier since their Academy days. First as friends and now as lovers. They went back alot of years. He had seen just about every expression Xavier was capable of. Delight at a sunset over the Golden Gate Bridge. Grief over the accidental death of a favored professor, the smirk during a debate with an especially gifted rival, the funny look of satisfactaion after their lovemaking had reached its apex, curioisty about a Christmas gift. And he had seen him angry.


Oh had he seen him angry. Even back in the 'good old days' before their friendship had become what it had become, they used to get into it. Usually over some vague philosophical differences, or something so vastly important as to whether soccer or rugby was the tougher sport to play.

But he had never seen him like this. NEVER. He had the sinking feeling that if something didn't change it would destroy Xavier and in the process destroy their relationship. He would do whatever it took to help the Betazoid even if it destoryed what they were building. It would break Gil's heart if that were to happen, but he was willng to risk it, willing to give it up if he had to, to save his friend.

END

Lt Xavier Lee
Chief of Operations
SB Protector

Lt. (JG) Giellun Hitchins
Diplomat
SB Protector

 

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