Criswell & Purulence's Bogus Journey

Posted on Fri 7th Apr, 2023 @ 5:37am by Purulence Addams & Anne da Silva & Criswell Sandbags

1,169 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Neither Yours Nor Mine
Location: Shake and Slake Diner, Deck 1552
Timeline: MD-3, 1000 hours

Purulence walked with Criswell to the turbolift station and then to the tram platform to get them to deci 1552. This was the temperate-zone deck, with cooler temperatures and a forested area of evergreen trees and fragrant pine trees. She and Criswell conversed as they walked, and Purulence inhaled the scent from the nearby trees.

"Shake and Slake is down this path," she said and turned down a cobblestoned walkway with Criswell. "So, what interesting, new things have happened at Qaraq's, this week?"

"Well, profits are up this week," Criswell said with excitement. He balled his fists together and put them to his chest as he talked, a Ferengi gesture of trust and, in different situations, submission. Being raised among Ferengi, the action was involuntary, ingrained in Criswell's behavior since childhood. It looked a little awkward when a human did it, but so much of Criswell was awkward anyway. "We're almost finished with setting up the classroom as well, but some of the parents in Brown Sector and the Zodiac are questioning the idea of having a school for children inside a gambling establishment." Criswell chuckled. "I find the issue a little strange, because most schools on Ferenginar are gambling establishments!"

Purulence snorted. "Education is a gamble. Will the student apply himself well enough to gain value from what he's taught? Maybe, maybe not." She cocked her head to one side. "Going from gossip I overheard at the community center, I thought the reason they needed classroom space was because they couldn't send kids to the schools in the rest of the station as they were too far behind.

"That should only apply to the older children. Government-funded schools here are available for every child. The very youngest of Brown Sector's children should be able to attend, as every UFP citizen is entitled to, starting at kindergarten, and the youngest children here should be caught up to those upstation pretty quickly. The older ones--yeah, they'll have problems catching up unless they study like fiends--but it shouldn't be impossible."

Criswell frowned. "I hope the kids in Brown sector are just as eager to learn as I was at their age. They're lucky to have any resources at all. On Ferenginar, I was denied an education after the age of eleven." He chuckled a little. "Ever since I left Ferenginar I often wonder why I don't absolutely hate the place."

"They denied you--?!" Purulence gave Criswell an indignant look and then sighed. "I will never understand Ferengi, even if I do like their food. I hope you were at least able to use public libraries there. or were able to get private tutoring."

Criswell chuckled. "There are no public libraries on Ferenginar! But you can purchase memberships to them, which was good. Father helped me as best he could while running the restaurant. In a way, he taught me how to teach myself."

Purulence smiled. "Oh, that's good! Did he get your portrait?"

Criswell lit up with excitement. "He did! He liked it a lot! Mother was also very proud! They put it up in the living room!"

"That's wonderful! I am so happy for you!" Purulence said, beaming. "You looked quite distinguished in it, like a businessman who will go far." Some bit of her that had been anxious over Criswell's parents' acceptance of the gift eased. Sometimes, the way Criswell described life on Ferenginar, she couldn't decide if it had been a good or a bad experience for him. Now, she was assured that it had been mostly good, at least as far as his family was concerned.

They neared the Shake & Slake Diner, a small 1950's-looking place that advertised itself with a large sign shaped like a milkshake outside, next to the building. "And here we are," Purulence said. "It's completely not the sort of place anyone in my family would go to more than once, so I'm glad I tried it out. Turns out, I like it, and I hope you'll enjoy it, too. Have you ever had a milkshake before?"

"I have," Criswell said. "My new apartment came with a new food replicator unit. It can make a lot of different hoo... hyoo-man desserts. But I haven't ever tried a real one."

"Were you able to tolerate it all right?" Purulance asked. "Sometimes, when humans don't grow up eating human foods, those foods don't agree with them when people do try to eat them. I can't picture milk and sugar being huge culinary ingredients on Ferenginar. I've noticed you eating human foods, though, and they don't seem to make you sick, so I thought I'd try this place with you."

Criswell shrugged. "I appreciate that. Actually, growing up eating Ferengi food gave me a very strong stomach for hoo... hyoo-man cuisine. The foods father prepared in his restaurant were made from ingredients native to Ferenginar. You'd be surprised how different Ferengi food is on the home planet."

"In that case, we'll have to go out and try some together," Purulence said. They reached the door of The Shake and Slake and entered.

A red-haired human-looking woman wearing old-fashioned wire-framed eyeglasses greeted them. "Hello, Miss Addams." She smiled at Criswell. "I don't think I've met you before. I'm Anne, and welcome to Shake & Slake. Would you two prefer to be seated at the bar, a booth, or a table?"

Criswell's eyes widened with excitement. "Can we sit at the bar? I want to watch them make the food! All of this is so interesting!"

"That sounds good to me," Purulence agreed.

"Then come this way." Anne gestured for the couple to follow her to a pair of empty barstools situated near where food was being prepared. Someone was chopping vegetables and someone else was mixing pancake batter and then pouring it onto a griddle. "Will these do, or would you prefer somewhere else at the bar?"

"This is perfect!" Criswell replied, taking his seat at the bar. He picked up one of the menus in front of him. "Most of my experiences with hoo-mon food is from the buffet at the casino. There's a really good selection there, but they don't serve breakfast. I've seen pictures of hoo... hyoo-mon breakfast foods, though. They look very different from what's usually considered dinner."

"Yes, they do," Purulence agreed as Anne left them to look over their menus. "I sometimes wonder how that came about. How did we decide that scrambled eggs and toast are great breakfast food? Why don't we have oatmeal at supper? On the other hand, some Earth cultures go all out for breakfast when they have the time, and you'll see foods that most people would save for later in the day eaten at breakfast. I usually regard ham as lunch or supper food, but there are people who will eat it for breakfast." She gave him a curious look. "What did you like to eat for breakfast on Ferenginar?"

(To be continued.)

 

RSS Feed

Comments (1)