Tabled

Posted on Thu 4th Jul, 2019 @ 11:16pm by Purulence Addams & Ignatius Collins
Edited on on Fri 9th Aug, 2019 @ 12:35am

1,017 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: A Diplomatic Affair
Location: Chlamydia Addams' home, Deck 1554
Timeline: MD-1, 1800 hours

"Let's just eat here," Purulence said. "Orchids & Jazz would be fun, but we'd have to dress a bit nicer, and they play jazz music all the time there, when Bach is much better dinner music. But I draw the line at replicator stuff! I want real food and to not have to cook. Do we want to order from Pearl? Somewhere else? Could be Pearl and somewhere else."

"I'd be perfectly happy with just a sandwich or two," Ignatius said.

"Sandwich?! You're a guest in our home, Mr. Collins. We're going to feed you," Purulence told him firmly.

"Call me Ignatius, please."

"I can make sandwiches," Six exclaimed. "Finger sandwiches!"

"I've told you only to use the knives with supervision," Chlamydia chastened her child.

"We are guests in your beautiful home," Cookie said, obviously having to control herself from reaching up to one of the draped spiderwebs. "Whatever you decide is wonderful."

Ignatius waggled his eyebrows at Six. "Are they made with real fingers?"

Six looked puzzled. "Is there another way?"

"Phalanges are fun, but tuna salad is a lot easier to bite into," Ignatius told her.

"Ah, but if you put them in the slow-cooker," Six started, but stopped and looked up at her grandfather when he set his hand on her shoulder.

"As endlessly fascinating as the topic of food preparation may be, Imp, I would like to actually eat at some point this evening. Is there a pizza place which delivers? Preferably one where I could get a smoked reindeer pie? Or perhaps squid ink?"

Purulence looked at her sisters. "I don't know anyone who does reindeer, but they could maybe replicate it. Slug and Grub has a dish that uses--gah, what is it? Something in a mursquid ink reduction? I have no idea what that is."

"Neither do I," Ischemia agreed, "and I have no intention of finding out. Big Ed's is right in the Village, and I'm sure they can do smoked reindeer quite nicely. Or, Papa, you can have a nice pepperoni pie and pretend it's smoked reindeer," she laughed. "I believe I shall do the latter. So one pepperoni and one smoked reindeer. Anyone else for the pizza order? Perhaps a crunchy frog pie or gifts of the garden?"

"Meatlover's--but no frog--for me," Ignatius said, looking nauseous at the thought of "crunchy frog pie," whatever that might be. "Have you, ah, lived in New Orleans?" he asked Ischemia.

She shook her head, "Only in passing. My job takes me many places in the galaxy. I'm on extended leave right now, but Earth isn't on the list of planets I'll be visiting this time."

"Slug and Grub, eh? Sounds promising!" Pubert grinned down at the little girl on his lap. "What do you think, Imp? Shall we seek out these purveyors of platyform protein one day this week? Just you and I?"

"Yes, please," Six responded at once.

Across the room, Chlamydia smiled very slightly, but genuinely. It pleased her that her father had taken so to the waif she'd brought home to New York after Archimedes' dramatic, tragic final mission. "I do not know the full truth of her parentage," she'd revealed, and her father had laughed. "You can tell at a glance she's an Addams," he'd declared, "and an Addams is Family!" The pair exchanged messages regularly, and Chlamydia sometimes thought the little girl had usurped Purulence's place as the best-beloved child in her father's heart.

Oh, Chlamydia knew he'd deny the claim, saying he loved all his girls equally, but Chlamydia was aware that he favored Purulence, and that their mother favored Ischemia. She'd made her peace with those facts long ago. She glanced at Purulence now, and found her youngest sister gazing at Ignatius again... or was it still? "Very well. One smoked reindeer, one pepperoni, one meatlover's minus crunchy frog. Are you an anchovy man, Mr. Collins?"

"No, but if other people are, I can happily pick them off of my slices and give them away," Ignatius said. "My brother loves them, so I'm used to doing that."

"A brother? Is he off in another quadrant of the galaxy playing pirates?" Ischemia asked. "Or are you the adventurous one, while he stays home and keeps the books? Though, I suppose, some might consider him the adventurous one since he eats the anchovies," she observed thoughtfully.

Ignatius laughed. "Aside from being willing to eat little, hairy fish, Reginald is, well ... He's very much a Reginald. Doesn't want to be called Reg or Reggie. Weird I would object to that, since I'm very much an Ignatius, not a Nate. Anyway, Reginald's happy to run the family shipping company out of Collinsport and drink martinis at Collinwood, and ... I just couldn't stand it. I moved to Philadelphia as soon as I graduated college, to start my own business. I've run Collins Asteroid Mining and Development for a good ten years, now. We've been lucky--found a couple of asteroids the likes of 16 Psyche, which have become very successful operations. It's given me freedom I never dreamed of when I was a kid."

Glory swooped in at that moment to bear Ignatius away. "My dear boy," she said, "I never dreamed you were a self-made man. My dear Pubert is as well, you know. I'm sure you have much to talk about. Pardon me, darlings, but I must take this young man away for the moment."

Ignatius gave Gloriana a look of wordless question but let her escort him wherever she would.

Ischemia watched as her mother did what her mother did so well ... derailed trains that were going where she didn't want them to go. She shook her head and glanced at her younger sister, shrugging her shoulders.

"Large smoked reindeer, pepperoni, and a Meatlover's with anchovies. Any other orders, speak now or forever hold your peace," Purulence said. She glanced about the parlor and waited a couple of moments. "Hearing none, the order is entered and submitted." She rapped once on the table. "Next order of business?"

 

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