To Talk of Many Things, Part 2

Posted on Sat 23rd Jun, 2018 @ 9:21pm by Elizabeth Anderson M.D. & Lieutenant Damion Ildaran

1,993 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Brushfires
Location: Intelligence Department and Dr. Anderson's Office, Deck 1554
Timeline: MD 19, 0900, Day of the Clean-up

Conversation continued ....

Damion paused, startled that he had said so much, all in a rush, and then faintly appalled that he'd been so honest with Elizabeth about what he thought of her. "I'd like to befriend them, too, but it will take me a little time." Another pause. "And I don't know how they'll feel about me once I tell them I've lied to them and that my whole business is ... not a sham, but more than I represented it to be. They might at some point prefer someone who won't have betrayed their trust." He sighed. "There are several people I've met lately who I can foresee feeling that way about. I want to tell you about all of them."

Elizabeth was silent for a human heartbeat or two. "I trust your judgment," she finally answered. "I'll talk with them, see if there's a direction they'd like to go. Perhaps I can offer some advice, or at least some things for them to mull over. The problem is, I presume they still belong to someone. They are someone's property, and I am bound in certain legal ways.

"Unlike human slaves, no one looks at a robot," she said, choosing the harshest term she considered acceptable, "and thinks about emancipation. We are not biological lifeforms. Most people don't distinguish us from the 'bot who flips your burger. The only reason I'm in my current situation, the only reason, is that Starfleet thinks they can get something more out of experimenting with me."

After a moment, she went on in a softer, quieter voice. "I'd like to hear whatever you'd like to tell me, whenever you can," she told him. "I'm interested, I miss you, and I'm struggling with the emotions. If I seem a little off-center, I apologize. It's because I am."

"You're not the only one--struggling with emotions, I mean," Damion said. "But I'm used to it, and you aren't. The way I've been taught is, you inhale from your diaphragm, hold your breath for four seconds, then exhale slowly, and repeat that pattern a few times until you feel less overwhelmed. By giving yourself control over your body, you gain more control over your emotions. But I don't know if that would work for you, as I don't even know if you breathe." He smiled to himself. "When we were dancing, your respiration rate wasn't what I was paying attention to."

He let out a breath. "As for the AIs, I think you should talk to Jade Lantz. Tell her I suggested you, if you like. I think she wants more for her people than for them just to be her cleaning staff. I'm pretty certain she knows who I am. I couldn't tell her, and she hasn't said, but she recognized me when I went to the Chamber of Commerce. Couldn't be helped, really. Someone was bound to suss me out. I didn't leave Hermes and immediately shut myself up in a box."

Anderson marveled at Damion's admitting that he was also struggling with emotions. She wished he were there with her, that they could sit and talk, compare notes ... but maybe when his job was completed, if the need was still there. She felt better just to be talking with him. She made a database note to ask him at that later time what it was he did pay attention to when they were dancing.

She didn't realize she was smiling as she answered, "Alright, first breathing exercises and then visiting Miss Lantz. I've seen her quite a lot lately, really. She's been very helpful in steering me toward honest suppliers. I think she could be a friend, maybe," Elizabeth said wistfully, "but I'll talk with her about these AI's and see what we can do for them." She smiled, "I bet you would rescue stray kittens and small puppies, too."

"I'd think she could definitely be a friend, and a good one," Damion said. "As for the stray animals--" He chuckled. "For many years, only when I couldn't be seen doing it."

"As I also expected," Elizabeth said, feeling more comfortable at last. This sounded like her Damion.

"If I happen to see you on the base, should I pretend I don't?" she asked.

"No," Damion said. "If you happen to see me on base, just act as if I'm someone you don't know. I'll act as if I don't know you, and I'll speak to you in the accent I grew up speaking. This persona is not a whole lot different from me as I truly am. He's less well educated, thriftier, and loves fixing things. I suppose he's somewhat as I was in the past, but kinder than I was then."

Elizabeth realized she was smiling again. "Well, that should be interesting, then. Are you feeling any forgotten feelings for home? Thinking it would be nice to go back, maybe find old friends? Having never really had a home, I'm not completely cognizant of how one feels about such a place, or the pull it might have, even when it wasn't ideal. Maybe here on SB109 I'll come to understand that more."

Damion thought about it and shook his head. "I'd like to see my family again--introduce you to them, actually--and there are a couple of close friends I miss sometimes. But for the most part, I've no desire to go back. They say home is where the heart is. So yes, some of my heart is back on Turkana, but most of it is right here."

"How fortunate you are to have a heart," Anderson said, without envy, and thinking literally. She tucked his statement away in a sub-processor to take out and examine later. She knew she was gathering crumbs that told her he cared about her, but she didn't really want to analyze that too closely.

"You know, it occurs to me that you don't have to think about what Jade's AIs will think of you, because they don't have emotions and won't feel betrayed. They will take it in stride, and continue to work for you. If they ever do develop beyond their programming, it will be far in the future, and you will have proven yourself their friend. As you have proven to be mine."

What in the world was he to make of that observation, Damion wondered? He paused before replying. "They already feel emotions, Elizabeth. Boredom, dissatisfaction--that's an emotion. Perhaps a passive one, but the seeds are there for everything else. They have lively, intelligent opinions and preferences, and those opinions and preferences differ, one from the other. There's no logical reason why they have such individuality, if they're 'just' robots, constructed on an assembly line, presumably all built to exactly the same specifications, subject to exactly the same quality control measures. So they might take my eventual admission in stride, but I don't expect them to be entirely unperturbed by it. It will puzzle them, if nothing else, and I'll have to be very careful, I think, in how I justify my job to them."

"I don't know. If they have true emotions, they will be open to reason, as well. You managed to make me see the purpose and merit of your job. I'll talk with them, and let you know what I think. But now, tell me what you're doing for fun and relaxation. Nothing but work is not a good diet," Elizabeth said, changing the subject.

Damion smiled. "Talking to you. I'm making an effort to not unnecessarily meet a lot of people. At some point I'll return to being just plain old Damion Ildaran, and when I do, I'd like to be able to walk in Tivoli Gardens with you sometime without having to answer a barrage of questions from people who've met me. On the other hand, if I walk with you in uniform, they might figure it out on their own." He thought for a moment. "I'm going through the backlog of books on my reading list that I haven't yet read. I go to the gym. And I'm thinking of knitting something else; my hands are getting twitchy. What have you been doing when you aren't setting up your practice?"

Anderson imagined him sitting in very small quarters somewhere knitting, and it made her smile. "No laughing allowed, but I'm studying marketing techniques. Actually, I started with what most businesses do now. Then I got interested, and I've looked back at what small firms did in the past. Did you know that way back in the late 1900s, they called a small business a 'mom and pop' shop? That tickled my humor chip. A lot of them sponsored children's sports teams in those times. As it happens, I don't know any children, though I see a few around now and then, so I think that's probably a dead end avenue. That's another term I picked up from the past," she laughed. "You know, if you immerse yourself in that stuff, you begin to sound like an ancient. Anyway, that's more productive than trying to furnish my apartment. I think the doctors accidentally left out my chic decor chip!"

"Don't look to me for help wi' that," Damion warned her. "My idea of chic probably translates best to 'Dingy, Mismatched Industrial.' On the upside, that makes me very easy to decorate for. Oh! That reminds me--one of Jade Lantz's AIs likes decorating and does good work. The one named Gladia? Why don't you talk to her for ideas?"

"I'll check with her when I chat with them. I could use a little more than a love seat - that's a short sofa, just for two, in case you didn't know, and a bed and dining table. Actually, I don't need more than that, but if I'm going to pretend to be human, I need to really get into character," Elizabeth said. "I'm sure you understand how that works."

"Part of being human is being yourself," Damion said. "If you don't want a house full of furniture, don't buy it. My entire quarters on deck 150 would fit inside the bedroom I had in my quarters on Hermes It's only slightly smaller than what I had at home."

"Then where will you sit when you come visit?" Elizabeth laughed before she thought about it. "That is ... if you come to visit, of course."

"The floor, of course," Damion said with a warm chuckle. "You could actually doubt that I would come visit? There is nothing that I enjoy more than your company, Elizabeth, and I intend to prove that to you, the first chance I get."

"Presuming things is a human trait I have not completely acquired yet," she answered. "On the other hand, my processors are pleased at the thought of your visit. Or," she laughed, "I think that's what the burst of speed means." Humor was the first thing her brain had acquired that wasn't necessary, but she marveled now at how natural it was to joke and to laugh with Damion. When she'd first met him, she smiled because it made people relax and was a human-like reflex. Now she didn't even think about it, and sometimes didn't realize she was smiling at all.

"True, that--and I admit, it's wiser not to presume, but most of us do it to one extent or another, anyway," Damion said. "For instance, I presume you'll want Death by Chocolate again, the next time I can take you out."

"Well, that's more like a foregone conclusion!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "And I presume you'll want to share it with me, and that we'll be going to Orchids & Jazz, and ... I dream I'm presuming we'll dance again."

"We will most definitely dance," Damion told her. "As for sharing the dessert..." He snickered. "Hm. I'll have to think about that!"

 

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