A Quiet Moment

Posted on Thu 12th Apr, 2018 @ 10:17pm by

1,469 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Brushfires
Location: CO's Complex, Starbase 109
Timeline: MD 6, 17:45

The Captain of a starship is a mobile ambassador for the United Federation of Planets, frequently required to host dignitaries and put out metaphorical fires. The residential complex aboard a Sovereign class ship such as USS Samurai, therefore, included facilities for dining and entertaining guests. But what was true of a starship captain was even more true of a starbase captain. The Residence -- Hikari couldn't restrain herself from putting a capital letter on it, even in her thoughts -- took up a good third of the deck. She had, it turned out, a swimming pool, a bowling alley, a small but luxurious amphitheater, an impressive kitchen and the staff to go with it, a dining room and a ballroom which could only be described as "palatial."

Hikari was in the pool, holding Athena's hands while the little girl kicked her feet, when Sarah led Riko in. "Guess who I found wandering around in the corridors?" the blonde woman asked.

McCord blushed slightly, but it was true, in a way. Since she'd felt peace over her decision to resign, she had known she needed to talk to her captain and friend. Still, there were things that pulled her toward staying. If she waited, had some counseling sessions, would she feel differently? Everyone would tell her she hadn't killed half her crew ... a third she mentally corrected. But thinking about seeing Suzuki and actually talking to her were two different things, and so she had been pacing back and forth in front of the captain's private quarters.

"This is quite a place you have, Captain. A little more upscale than we're used to," she said, making an effort to smile at Athena.

"Hi, Oba-chan!" the little girl called, freeing one of her hands from her mother's grasp to wave. "Come and swim with us!"

Riko looked down at her uniform and back at the child. "I don't think I'm quite dressed for that, Athena-chan. I will visit another time, and we will swim like shīra, desu ne? For now, I will sit," she folded herself down into a lotus position, "and watch you become meijin."

Athena grinned, and was about to point out that she, herself, was undressed for swimming, when her mother pointed her in the direction of her spouse. "Swim to Mama, little ape!" the Captain directed, and watched as the girl took a deep breath and swam, just under the surface of the water, to the side of the pool where Sarah waited. The Captain walked over to where Riko sat, smiling slightly. "I'm glad you came. I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to talk to you in the PCU office."

Shrugging, Riko answered, "All things in good time. This is actually better, anyway. There are some things I'm debating, and I'd like your opinion on them. As a friend and as my captain. Though I guess you aren't officially my captain any more?"

"I may not be in your official chain of command," Suzuki answered quietly. "But Riko, you know I couldn't love you more if we'd actually had the same parents. I will always be available for opinions and discussion."

McCord nodded, "I know." She sat quietly gathering her thoughts for a moment, listening to Athena's happy splashing and laughter. How lovely to be a little girl, feeling safe and loved.

"You most likely know what I'm thinking already, how I feel right now," she said finally, looking at her hands. "I'm broken, and I don't know if I can ever mend." There was a silence between them before Riko went on. "I was too slow, and it cost us half the crew in deaths and injuries, mostly deaths. The Winters ..." she brought her gaze up to Hikari's, eyes brimming with tears. She shook her head, tried to gain control of her emotions.

"Those bright beautiful women ... I've been afraid to see who's left. I've never run from hard things before, but ..." the tears spilled over, "how can I face the truth of that? How I ever make it right?"

Suzuki sighed and sank down in the water. "I don't know. I've been feeling a lot of that, myself. Survivor's guilt, the counselors call it. I can give you arguments -- that it was I who gave the orders which led to the deaths of our shipmates; that at least one of the Winter sisters is alive because you were there, and you were not too slow. That the very purpose of a cloaking device is to conceal a ship from adversaries." She shook her head. "And if any of that sticks, let me know."

"Yeah. If any of it does." Riko watched Sarah and Athena for a moment. "Why did you name her Athena?"

Suzuki laughed and turned to look at the Humans most beloved by her in all the galaxy. "The Patron... Matron? Goddess of Athens is special; unique. There are other battle goddesses, and other wisdom goddesses, but to my knowledge, none other who is both." She smiled lopsidedly. "Plus, she has gray eyes."

A small smile formed on Riko's face. "Hopes for the future, then?"

She soon sobered. "I could use that kind of wisdom myself right now. Hikari, ... I think I'm going to quit. Leave Starfleet. Go home and find a small lab to work in, have a garden and have life and death over nothing more important than peas." McCord wasn't sure if she hoped Suzuki would encourage her or try to talk her out of her decision.

Suzuki nodded and sighed. "I offered to resign, as well," she told her friend. "Admiral zh'Tok said I couldn't get out of it that easily. But you... if you need to go, then I understand." She leaned her arms on the wall of the pool and let her legs float, kicking idly. "There are options for you; Sarah and I have a spare bedroom." She snorted with wry amusement and amended, "we have a whole wing of spare bedrooms. You can stay as long as you like -- you could even help her on her never-ending quest for new and exciting ways to make fullerenes."

The two women shared a grin, and Suzuki went on, "Or... BuShips and BuPers want you to be Samurai's exec, under Henry. How many times did you complain about the way the sensor pallets were laid out? This could be your chance to get that corrected. Or, again, there's a ship coming in: USS Hermes. Their acting Science Officer apparently killed a sentient being on an away mission. They're going to need a new Science Officer, and their XO has also requested transfer -- I could pull in a few favors, see if I could get you either seat."

McCord waited a moment to see if either of the ship options gave her the tiniest leap of interest. They didn't. "I don't know about a ship. I'm sure I'd love working with Henry ... but on Samurai? Would I ever look at the bridge and not see it blowing apart? A new ship might be better, but the idea of breaking in a new captain is daunting," she teased, surprised that she could. "I would love to help Sarah, but ... ahem, maybe more with taking care of Athena so Sarah can concentrate on the fullerenes."

After a moment she added, "Maybe I should talk to a counselor. A couple of nights ago, I was convinced that the only thing that would ever heal me is going home. I feel like one of those things ... what do you call them? The children's toy ... the wind blows them around and around?"

"A whirligig?" Suzuki asked. She shrugged. "Look, Riko... don't make any quick decisions. Stay here, with us. Athena would love to have Riko-oba around, and so would Sarah and I. There's a counselor here... by all reports, a very good one. If you want to be Wilson Bruce and not get out of bed for ten years, it's at least a comfortable bed. And if you decide you want to go home, I'll find you a berth on a starship going that way."

For a few moments, McCord didn't answer. She thought over all the options she had, which weren't that many, really, and none sounded more appealing than staying with her friends who understood the trauma she felt ... they felt it, too. Her family might or might not be able to relate to the general situation, but no one could understand like someone who'd experienced those moments on the command deck.

Finally, she looked up with a small smile, nodded, and said, "You're just making sure I don't break my promise to Athena."

"Dang skippy," Hikari answered. "Promises are important when you're three years old!"

 

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