Collins and Graves

Posted on Tue 22nd Nov, 2016 @ 3:16am by Commander Paul Graves PsyD & Commander Jasmine Collins-Keller

2,254 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Murder on the Silent Night Express
Location: Chief Counselor's Office
Timeline: A day or so after the Warspite returns to Vanguard
Tags: paulgraves

Jasmine was determined today. She'd made an appointment with the counselor on the star base and now she stood outside the door urging herself chime. She'd made several attempts at counselling to get past her fears but could never bring herself to keep the appointments. Nothing had changed really except that she was on her own now. There was no one to pull her out of her panic if she sank too deep. She'd have to find her way on her own.

"No, maybe another time." She whispered as she lost her nerve and turned to leave.

Anxiety, nervousness, fear, maybelater--The emotions came trickling into Paul's awareness as if their owner would call them back and disappear, if at all possible. Paul glanced at his chronometer. Was it time for his next appointment already? Yes, apparently it was--with Lt. Collins.

And it seemed she really was planning to disappear, at least from the corridor near his office. If it's not Drake avoiding me, it's someone else, Paul thought with wry amusement. Why exactly did I decide on this career? He got up and went to his office door, which helpfully slid open, and he poked his head out. "Lt. Collins? Come on in; you're right on time."

It was telling to him that she actually was on time; she'd been written up at least once in her career for frequent tardiness, according to her psych file. So this was important to her, Paul concluded as chagrin, consternation at having failed to make her escape, and almost-relief bathed his senses. "It's good to see you again. We didn't get to talk much on the Warspite, and I don't think anyone really felt like conversation, considering."

Jacs let out a breath. "Good to see you too." She gave a weak smile as she turned around and stepped into the office. She almost jumped a little when the door closed behind them.

"Can I get you some tea or something to drink?" Paul asked as he gestured for Jasmine to sit in the chair facing his desk. He had moved most of the things off of it or pushed them to one side so that it looked more like a table than a desk.

"Vulcan Spiced tea please." She tried to force herself to relax. She hoped it would help her to relax enough to get through this. Not only would she be speaking to a stranger, but she would be talking about her 'defect' something that had been wrong with her for nearly her entire life. The one thing she'd never been able to overcome.

"Coming right up," Paul said. He ordered the Vulcan tea for her and a Tarkalean tea for himself and brought them both to his desk. Paul sat down and savored a sip before getting to the business at hand. "What can I help you with, Lieutenant?"

"Well, I was wondering if there was something you could do for my discomfort around people." Jasine wasn't sure how to approach the man for help. "I've been diagnosed with Ochlophobia and Xenophobia. Quite frankly, I'm not even sure what that means but I suffer panic attacks in crowded rooms especially among people I don't know well. I've had the problem for as long as I can remember."

"There are ways to help people overcome that," Paul said. "Ochlophobia is a Terran Greek word meaning 'fear of crowds,' and xenophobia means 'fear of the unknown' or 'fear of strangers.' I'd certainly be glad to work with you on coping with them. So you've had this for most if not all of your life. Can you tell me what made you decide to seek help?"

"No," Jasmine shook her head and shrugged. "I always assumed it was because my parents were so over protective. They didn't even let me go to school with my brother and sister...I was tutored at home." Jasmine had always wondered about that. What was so different about her that she was so protected by her parents while the others were able to lead normal lives. "Until we moved to Betazed and I was in my high school years." She explained. "But they would never say why." She grinned. "I always assumed there was something wrong with me." Another shrug.

The home schooling struck Paul as curious, too. "That is unusual," he said. "In most instances of home schooling that I've heard of, all of a family's children are home schooled. Sometimes parents do it for religious reasons, and sometimes they do it because they don't like the curriculum being offered by the public schools. Or a family might enroll a child in a homebound program because of severe disability--by which I mean severe cognitive issues or being bedridden and needing round-the-clock nursing care. None of those reasons apply to you."

He leaned back in his chair slightly. "But, while that interests me, it isn't what I was getting at. I'd like to know what induced you to come here today. You've lived with this for almost twenty years, and you feel ambivalent about seeking me out. Did something happen recently to cause you to want help now?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," She shook her head in embarrassment as she realized what his question had been and that she'd answered a completely different question. "To be honest, I'm not sure why." She really wasn't sure exactly. She'd made appointments before but never kept them. Why would she keep them now? The man at the station? She shook her head. Perhaps because she'd lost Oscar? "I had a service dog, but he grew too old and I had to leave him behind. I thought about asking for a replacement but I would need a counselor's recommendation, but I hadn't really thought of that 'til now. Oscar was pretty irreplaceable." She gave a weak smile. "I suppose maybe I feel like I've finally left myself no choice." She hoped the man wasn't insulted by that. She also knew that it wasn't the whole reason..Adam Keller had something to do with it, but she'd never admit that...not even to herself.

Like most people who came to see him, Paul thought, she had more reasons for wanting counseling than she could articulate. The surface reasons were simply the tip of the iceberg; he could feel the force of the deeper ones bubbling beneath the surface of her thoughts, though he didn't know what they were. But what Collins had mentioned was enough to start with, and the deeper reasons usually revealed themselves if the counseling went on for long enough.

"I can certainly assess your need for a new service dog, and we can work on your discomfort in crowds in several ways," Paul said. "I'm uncomfortable in crowds, too, and I have developed work-arounds for it--probably many of the same ones you have. I map out my route, avoid certain areas at times when I know they are likely to be crowded, distract myself with music, concentrate on one person, and so on. We can try those and see which ones work best for you. What strategies do you already use to stay calm when you're in a crowd?"

"I do use music sometimes. Oscar was a help. He knew the base and I could put my head down, tell him to take me home and he'd guide me away from the crowds toward my quarters. I had a couple of close friends that could help me focus if I started to feel panic." She gave a smile. "I either eat very early in an empty lounge or very late just before the lounge closes."

"If I have to eat when it's crowded, I request a spot by the door," Paul said with a slight smile. "I haven't been out to eat here on Vanguard, yet, but I know I won't want to order out or eat replicator food in my quarters forever." He slid his fingers a couple of times over his computer screen. "How do you manage when you're on duty or holding Science Department meetings?" Paul shot Jasmine an amused look. "Or attending Senior Staff Meetings? I'm sure our first one here was atypical, but you never know."

"The first few are very difficult. I try to wait until the last minute to show up, take my seat and listen." Jasmine explained. "As I'm sure you've read in my file, that doesn't always work out for me." She felt herself relaxing a little and letting her guard down enough to smile. "Most meetings are in the morning before shift change so the corridors are empty and Senior briefings come with a plus." She smiled again. "There is usually some sort of breakfast served so I can avoid the mess hall."

Paul laughed. "I have to say, if Ms. Jade Lantz keeps providing breakfast at the Senior Staff meetings, I will likely have to start watching my weight! Those ham and cheese croissants she brought were delicious." Paul took a sip of his tea and then looked back at Jasmine. "So tell me what it is you want to accomplish with counseling. When you imagine not having your fear, what would you like to be able to do?"

Jasmine smirked. The croissants were delicious but she preferred the sweeter treats. "I'd like to be able to walk through the base without averting my eyes to people or to go out dancing with a friend.." Jasmine shrugged and felt a little sad. "I'd like to be able to say yes to lectures or invitations to other functions." She thought for a moment and then aloud. "Maybe even be the one to initiate a conversation once."

"How difficult are one-on-one interactions for you?" Paul asked. "I can feel that you've relaxed a bit with me, but when you're with co-workers or people you meet in the turbolift, do you still feel uncomfortable talking with them or simply being with them?"

"After time, I get more comfortable in small intimate groups." She explained. "I do okay one on one with familiarity...but there's a fight deep inside to not panic and run almost like I'm with a stranger even though I've known the person for a while." She wasn't sure how to explain the feeling. "Like every time I meet you, I'm meeting you for the first time...every date is a first date. It's almost like picking up a book you've already read but you can't quite remember what it was about so you aren't sure if it was good or bad."

Paul blinked and went back through his impressions of Collins as she had entered his office. They had spent a reasonable amount of time together onboard the Warspite, yet she had still been nervous around him just now when first coming into his office.

"That must be very stressful," Paul said. "First dates are nerve-wracking enough, but to go through all of that nervousness every time would wear on a person after a while. So what I'm hearing you say is that, except perhaps for your family, you are never truly at ease with people, even people you know well."

"That's correct. Unless I've known someone for long periods of time, I find it very stressful to be with them. I have a couple of close friends, my parents, my siblings, and Oscar." She bit her lip slightly. "It was hard to leave him behind."

"Then I am very appreciative that you're willing to spend time repeatedly coming to see me, despite the discomfort it will cause you," Paul said. "So you couldn't have brought Oscar with you? You are a department head; surely you could afford to keep him here, as well as a working service dog for your present needs."

"it would have been cruel to bring Oscar so far. He is twenty seven years old and much too old for travel." Jacs wiped a tear when she again realized that her trusted friend might be gone when she got back. But that was how life worked. Her brother would care for him until then. "I've made a request for another service dog." She smiled. "There will never be another Oscar, but I do favor animals over people."

"Lots of people do," Paul said with a smile. "That's why the phenomenon of people gushing over service dogs before speaking to their owners is a thing." He slid a fingertip across his computer screen and then glanced back at Jasmine. "I'm amazed to hear that Oscar is that old. You obviously took good care of him." Paul checked his schedule on the screen. "How would you like to work this, Lieutenant? Shall we see how this goes for the next three months, say one session a week? Will that work with your schedule?"

"Do you think it will take that long?" Jasmine wasn't sure why she was disappointed. Maybe she was looking for a miracle cure. Thinking about how broken she must be, she nodded. "I can do that. I-I think I can do that."

"Fear doesn't go away overnight," Paul pointed out, "and you've had these fears for a long time. You'll have to give yourself some space to overcome them, but I think it can be done."

"Thank you Doctor Graves." Jasmine was actually hopeful when she left the counselors office.

END:

Lt. Jasmine Collins
Chief Science Officer

Lt. Paul Graves, PsyD
Chief Counselor

 

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