The Things We Do for Love

Posted on Mon 11th Nov, 2019 @ 8:22pm by Purulence Addams & Ignatius Collins

829 words; about a 4 minute read

Mission: Resolution
Location: Park, Deck 1554
Timeline: MD -5, 0500

Ughhhh. The things I do for love--or whatever this is, Ignatius Collins thought as he arrived at the wrought-iron gate of the Addams family home. The lighting on Deck 1554 mimicked pre-dawn dusk, but he could see a lamp lit from inside the house. He yawned loudly and then spoke into the intercom. "Ignatius Collins, here to see Purulence Addams."

The gate swung open on well-oiled hinges, and Ignatius entered the yard, relieved that he hadn't had to climb the fence and risk getting his delicate parts skewered by the romeo catchers. Overhead, crows cawed at each other from the branches of the dead tree, and Ignatius could hear the flapping of wings. He wondered if Their Corvid Majesties were about, but since Experiment Number Six was probably the only person who could talk to them, he simply waved at the tree and climbed the steps to the front door. A gonging chime sounded as he pressed the doorbell.

Much sooner than he expected, the door opened and Purulence stood in the doorway, dressed in a t-shirt, leggings, and running shoes, peering at him. "Ignatius? You look awful! What happened to you?"

"Not a morning person," Ignatius explained as he covered his mouth around another huge yawn. "Are you ready to run?"

"Yep. Are you?"

"Hell, no!"

"I can't believe you even showed up," Purulence muttered under her breath. She shut the door. "I like to warm up, stretch, and then start at the water fountain. How much running do you normally do, Ignatius?"

He shook his head. "I spend days at a time onboard an asteroid prospecting ship that's slightly larger than a warp sled. Running on a treadmill bores me to tears, and since I don't have to be Hercules to do my work, I tend to read a lot. The only reason I have anything vaguely approaching a decent physique is because I do calisthenics and lift weights."

"So you don't do much cardio."

"Um ... I guess not?"

"Riiiight. You weren't kidding about the bunny slopes. You're going to need to start by doing run-walks," Purulence said. "That means walking on the inclines and jogging when the ground is level--and maybe walking some of the level part, too, when you feel tired from running. And don't get hurt pride over it. You said bunny slopes, and you were right. You're where I was a few years ago."

"And where were you?" Ignatius asked.

"I weighed over 200 lbs and looked and felt awful."

Ignatius shook his head. "You'd never know it now. I mean, I don't think you've ever been wraith-thin like your sister Chlamydia, but it sure looks to me like you're keeping the weight off."

"And I hated it as much as you're going to hate it," Purulence warned him. "We're not going to run the whole trail through the park--or at least, you're not. You brought some water?"

"Right here," Ignatius said and held up a bottle.

They reached the park and the water fountain a few minutes later and began a set of stretching and warm-up exercises. Ignatius watched what stretches Purulence did and followed suit, figuring he should do what the more experienced runner did. At last, she glanced at him. "Ready?"

Ignatius chuckled. "As I ever was. Let's go."

They set off along the running track at what Ignatius considered a painfully slow speed. He preferred a pace that was more like full-out running. He could never last long at it, but if felt so much better than plodding along, feeling the thud of his feet against the rubberized track. Before too long he was breathing hard and and drenched in sweat. Purulence called a halt.

"I can keep on," Ignatius protested, wheezing, but he slowed to a walk because Purulence had and chugged from his water bottle. Water had never tasted so good.

"Uh-uh. Even if you were a crazy man like David Goggins was, with something to prove, you don't need to near-kill yourself while starting to train. Once you've gotten used to running, if you want to be one of those 100-mile endurance runners, be my guest--but not while I'm training you," Purulence said.

"Never heard of the guy. There are people who run hundred-mile races?" Ignatius winced at the thought. "I can't even imagine running one mile."

Purulence smiled. "Not so many years ago, neither could I. Your breathing's back to normal, now. Let's try another sprint, huh?"

"Only if it's a real sprint and not that stupid jogging. I hate jogging. It doesn't feel right. I'd rather run full tilt, okay? Even if I can only do it for twenty feet."

Purulence eyed him and considered that. "Okay. You know your body. But when you can hear yourself wheezing, you need to slow to a walk and rest."

"Race you to the cypress trees," Ignatius said, promising nothing, and took off. Shaking her head at the folly of men, Purulence loped after him.

 

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