Damage Control

Posted on Mon 25th Mar, 2013 @ 12:37am by Lieutenant JG Giellun Hitchins & Commander Paul Graves PsyD

1,619 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: http://sb109.sim-station.net/index.php/sim/missions/id/3
Location: CNS Office
Timeline: After A Kiss Is Still A Kiss, before Section 49 Alpha
Tags: Giellum, Paul

Giellun had tossed and turned all night. Unable to get more than a few hours sleep. He missed Xavier's not being there, the absence of his cologne, his laughter, his infectious smile all of that was gone now, possibly for good and all because of one stupid, careless comment. He had enjoyed the one time they had slept together even though all they had done was kiss, cuddle, and sleep and the likelihood of that being repeated anytime soon, was almost nonexistent.

He got up from the bed, shaved, took a quick sonic shower and headed to the Counselor's office. He had only met the man in passing and wasn't sure what his reaction would be, but he didn't really have a lot of choice in the matter. He needed someone to talk to.

After a rather long turbolift ride, highlighted by a short pause when the lift got stuck, he found himself outside the office. Hoping no one else was there, he pushed the chime.

Paul had decided not to linger over breakfast in the officers' mess this morning. For the moment, he was busying himself with paperwork.

Then the door to his office chimed. Paul blinked. It wasn't usual for people to come by this early, but since he was in his office, he saw no reason not to answer. "Come in," he called out, curious to see who had come to speak with him.

Giellun was rarely nervous but he was feeling so now. He looked around to see if anyone was observing him and stepped into the office rubbing his right palm against his chest. He looked over at the Counselor and let out a long breath.

"You're Doctor Graves right?" he asked.

Paul smiled and walked forward to meet his guest. "Just Lieutenant," he said. "And you're Lt. Hitchins, aren't you? Come have a seat. Shall I get you anything--Coffee, tea?" With a gesture, he invited Giellum to have a seat on the sofa.


"Cinnamon tea," he replied, "Not too hot." He said as he sat down, "I'm glad that I found you."

Paul ordered two cups of tea from the replicator and passed one to Giellum. "It's my job to be findable," he told Giellum with a brief smile as he too sat down. "What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"

Giellun took the tea and sipped it before letting out a heavy sigh, "I don't know if you can do anything, Counselor. I'm an idiot. I don't know if there is a cure for that. And that stupidity may cost me a relationship with a man I thought I was falling in love with."

"What happened?" Paul asked. He sipped at his tea and considered his surface impressions of Hitchins. Decent man, he thought. A person could do much worse.

"I've known Xavier Lee, since we were at the Academy together. Back then we were just friends. Nothing more. We both had other interests if you know what I mean. At any rate when we both found ourselves on board the Protector, we decided to renew our friendship.

"Now we have, or had something more. We've been dating, and I think I am... No, I am falling in love with him. I told him once before a couple of days ago and I think that scares him. Hell it scares me, but I have always been one that flies by the seat of my pants. He has always been the careful, everything in order and by the books kind of guy.

"Anyway we were on a double date with Commander Windsong and Lt. O'Dell. Xavier asked Commander Windsong if he could help him do some weapons training and I got to thinking about how my boss can be charming and is easy on the eyes and that Xavier might think so too and....."

Paul listened to him, thinking briefly of his own friendships with the people involved. "And...?" he echoed, looking directly back at Hitchins. "It's all right to have those thoughts," he said. "They don't usually make us upset enough to talk to someone about them unless we do something because of them. Did you...do something?"

"Well he's Betazoid like you, I didn't really have to do anything, but I did. Samantha suggested that we all spar together, I'm figuring she had trust issues with the Commander too. I mean he is kind of a flirt, and then Xav asked if I agreed with that and I said yeah. And things kind of went down hill from there."

"What happened?" Paul asked. It was true that, among Betazoids, emotions could speak more loudly than actions, and you couldn't lie with empathy. He could guess what had transpired but had been trained to let people explain things in their own words.

"Then I tried to fix it. I told him I trusted him and he said I should quit acting like an ass or words to that effect I agreed to that then I told him that I was being stupid and apologized. I even told him I loved him, and that's when he really got pissed, made some excuse and walked off."

Paul nodded. "Because he knew you didn't trust him. If you had trusted him, you wouldn't have been jealous in the first place."

"That is just it, I should have trusted him. I know better. I mean he and I aren't even having sex. So why I would think that he would do something with Commander Windsong. I really shot myself in the foot and don't know how to fix it."

"Why? Because you and he aren't having sex," Paul said, even as he tried not to wince at the turn their conversation was taking. "From your point of view, Lt. Lee easily could succumb to Commander Windsong's--considerable--charms. It's not unnatural or wrong for you to feel insecure on that count because your relationship with Lt. Lee is in its early stages. The question I think you should try to resolve is, what can you do to rebuild or strengthen your trust in Lt. Lee? Once you trust him, he'll be more likely to trust you, I think."

"Well how do I do that? I know I should trust him. I know I can trust him. I mean I do trust him. But there is just something in the back of my head telling me something is up or could be up. I know better, I just don't know how to put those little voices to bed, no pun intended."

Paul thought a moment. "First off, you've just said you know you can trust him. That's the first step. The rational part of you has analysed him--all intuitively--and decided that he's trustworthy. I have a question, though. Have you ever been betrayed by a lover in the past?"

The half Romulan leaned back in his chair and steppled his fingers. "Twice actually," he admitted. I was not always attracted just to men, actually technically I'm still not 100% of the time. Anyway in high school I didn't have any real relationships though I dated casually.

Then when I got to the Academy I met Beck Sanchez, she was my first love, or at least I thought she was, we have a child together, but she left me, left the Academy and left our daughter. I wen crying, literaly, to my roommate Hunter Hayes and well we became a couple. I thought we were going to get married, or at least that it was a possiblity, but that just didn't work out that way. But we are still friends as cliche as that sounds.

Later on I met a guy named Tyler. It never got too serious, but we were dating and I thought it might. Then I came back to his cabin to get a PADD I had forgotten and found him in bed with two other guys. We did not part on good terms and we are not still friends.

So I've had my share of bad relationships."

Paul nodded. "Two? Geeze! But all of that means you have logical reasons not to unreservedly trust people you're attracted to. Have you told Xavier about any of this past history?"

"No, not really. Maybe I should. I'm just not sure."

"It's up to you," Paul said. "My main thinking is that, if Xavier understands why you are sensitive to the possibility of betrayal, he might be more forgiving of what happened and might be willing to give you some time to reassure yourself that he can be trusted."

"But what if that backfires and he thinks I'm just being, I don't know clingy, or that I have too much, baggage?"

Paul thought about that. At last, he looked back at Giellum. "I think...if Xavier decides you've got more 'baggage' than he wants to deal with, then he's not the man for you or perhaps isn't ready for you right now. But that wouldn't preclude him from being ready in the future. And honestly, I think he's a better man than that."

Giellum stroked his chin. "I guess I can try that then. You're right he is a good man. I'll just have to hope that he is the right man."

Paul smiled at Giellum. "I hope he is, too."

"Thanks Counselor," the blond man replied. "I guess I will go try and see if I can repair the damage I have done. Anything else?"

Paul grinned. "Just best wishes. Xavier's a great guy, and I hope it works out well for both of you."

OFF

Lt.(JG)Giellun Hitchins
Diplomatic Officer
SB Protector

Lt. Paul Graves
Chief Counselor

 

RSS Feed