The Voyage of Daggerbeard the Star Sailor (Fit the Second)

Posted on Thu 9th Jan, 2020 @ 3:12pm by Lieutenant Commander Andrew Eberstark & Captain Andrus Grax

1,284 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Resolution
Location: Addams Parlor
Timeline: MD 1, 1015

"We sailed through space, we sailed through time -- one second per second, for no more is allowed." Pubert set his cigar in the ashtray and steepled his fingers. "We sailed through days, we sailed through weeks -- seven days to the week, I'll avow!"

"Mon cher, you wax poetic!" Gloriana exclaimed. "But completely accurate," she assured the investigators.

Andrus Grax shot a glance at Lieutenant Commander Eberstark. It was, of course, important that they found out what Pubert and Gloriana knew, but he got the feeling that this was a story that was going to take a while. Patience was usually a relatively strong point for him, but in that moment he wondered to himself how long he was going to be able to cope with Pubert furnishing every detail of his tale with such embellishment - and clearly relishing the opportunity to do so.

Pubert turned a leering smile and a smoldering gaze on his wife for a moment before wrenching his attention back to the tale. "When we arrived at the frontier, we loitered a bit, playing the role of tourists on vacation. And what to our wondering eyes should appear, but a five-thousand year old helical-plasma drive Bentenmar starship refitted and rearmed for commerce raiding! Have you seen her, gentlemen? She is a beauty! A marvel of engineering from a race long exited the stage of Galactic society!"

Andrew sensed he was feeling the same impatience as the Captain but tried to maintain a steady demeanor through the tale, knowing that accidentally insulting their hosts would only make matters worse for all involved. Besides, if this were another place and time, he may find the man's tale extremely entertaining. Trying to cut through the minutia, Andrew responded to the question, even if it was meant to be rhetorical, "I can't say that I have. And can you be more specific regarding the ship's refit and armament?"

"You may take a look for yourself, Commander," Pubert answered. "She is yet docked in the secure ring of your station." He picked up his cigar and waved it. "I would appreciate it if your engineers left her in the same condition in which they find her -- no removing pieces, or leaving things dangling from overheads on bare wires."

"I think that's an excellent suggestion, right after my darling captain finishes the story. There's much more for you to learn here, if you'll be the slightest bit patient. Difficult for officers in Starfleet, but still possible," Gloriana mocked gently. "More tea, gentlemen?"

Seeing no point in arguing with the suggestion from the Addams', Andrew looked towards Grax and simply nodded, "Yes, please and thank you. We're eager to hear more," giving a genuine smile, he added, "Especially with your unparalleled skill of storytelling."

Grax couldn't quite tell whether Eberstark was being completely genuine or simply inflating Pubert's ego to ensure that they got the full story, either way it seemed to be having the desired effect. "I'd love some more tea too," he said, with the same encouraging tone, as he settled back in his chair and mustered up all the patience he could find from within him.

Glory poured the tea, and added a chocolate-filled crumpet to each man's plate. "I do find that sugar keeps one's energy at appropriate levels," she informed them. She knew quite well that Pubert was enjoying himself and she intended to see he had the opportunity to shine ... and preen a bit in front of these officers.

"Like a falcon, this crimson wonder swooped down upon us, and before you could say 'λοπαδο­τεμαχο­σελαχο­γαλεο­κρανιο­λειψανο­δριμυ­ποτριμματο­σιλφιο­καραβο­μελιτο­κατακεχυμενο­κιχλε­πικοσσυφο­φαττο­περιστερα­λεκτρυο­νοπτο­κεφαλλιο­κιγκλο­πελειο­λαγῳο­σιραιο­βαφητραγανοπτερύγων,'[1] we were prisoners of the cruel and lazy Captain Surbag. You may imagine our surprise when we discovered Cousin Cookie aboard the same ship, acting as the Electronic Warfare Officer!"

Andrew gave a side glance to Grax to see his reaction to the statement that was just presented and made a note on his PADD, ignoring the impossible word that was just spoken. Looking up, he asked, "Apologies for interrupting but how exactly did you become prisoners and can you describe this 'crimson wonder' in more detail?"

He realized the risk in asking to describe something in more detail to his host, but Andrew felt that even the smallest additional detail could be helpful and therefore worth the extra ten minutes.

"Asked and answered, Mr. Eberstark. You will be examining my scarlet lady for yourselves." Pubert folded his hands before him, looking at the glow of the smoldering tobacco. "It chanced, you see, that Cookie had been made a prisoner, but that, short of bodily harm, they could not keep her in a cell. She was found wandering about the ship, fixing this, upgrading that, making suggestions about the other thing. When they realized her sheer witchery with computational systems, they gave in and made her part of the crew."

Andrew gave a smile at both the man's story and the fact they'll be getting a chance to look at this "scarlet lady". Continuing to make notes on his PADD, he looked over to see if Grax had any follow up questions.

Grax caught Eberstark's sideways glance, but had no desire to knock Pubert off his stride anymore than absolutely necessary. He offered a small shrug and inclined his head in Pubert's direction, signaling to Eberstark that he could continue.

Taking a sip of tea, Andrew continued, "Riveting so far. Our apologies for interrupting you constantly," motioning in Pubert's direction, "Please continue."

Pubert shrugged, straightening and placing the cigar in the ashtray beside his chair. "Honestly, not much more remains to be told. Captain Surbag placed us in a holding area where he kept others he intended to ransom, or -- as we learned later -- to sell to the highest bidder. However, just as with Cousin Cookie, he found himself mysteriously unable to contain us behind locked doors. With my delightful, beloved, Voodoo Queen at my side," and here, he winked grandly at Gloriana, "I attached myself to the villain in order to learn his secrets. I applied the cunning stratagem of asking him questions. Many, many questions."

"And of course, he found he had no choice but to answer," Gloriana smiled back. Some looking at her smile might feel uneasy, but only if their consciences were guilty of ... well, almost anything, really. For Pubert, it was all sunshine and shadows of delight.

"Indeed! The old fellow warmed to me. Eventually, he found that he wished to retire, and named me as his successor. I was reluctant, of course... what did I know about being a Pirate King? But the old man just smiled and assured me that I would be fine. Adopt a charming nom de piratage, and keep a meathook close to hand, he said, and everything would work out fine. And do you know? It did." Pubert smiled.

"After a time, we had gathered enough loot that we had to sell it, in able to accumulate more. Where, I inquired of the first mate, should we do so? But alas... it turned out that she was an agent of the Tal Prai'ex, the Praetorian Guard of the Romulan Senate. And she was there for the same reason we were: she wished to know the location of the pirate's safe harbor. So we were forced to consult the ship's logs to determine the answer. And the answer was: we must go to Oblivion!"

---

1) Lopado­temacho­selacho­galeo­kranio­leipsano­drim­hypo­trimmato­silphio­parao­melito­katakechy­meno­kichl­epi­kossypho­phatto­perister­alektryon­opte­kephallio­kigklo­peleio­lagoio­siraio­baphe­tragano­pterygon. A fictional food named by the Greek playwright Aristophanes circa 391 BCE.

 

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