Who Counsels The Counselor?

Posted on Sun 9th Dec, 2012 @ 8:41pm by Lieutenant JG Xavier Lee & Commander Paul Graves PsyD

1,975 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: http://sb109.sim-station.net/index.php/sim/missions/id/3
Location: Lt Graves Quarters
Timeline: After the Bretagne, roughly 1800 Hours
Tags: Paul, Xavier

It had been an interesting day and Xavier was glad it was over. After being woken up at stupid-o'-clock, he had struggled to get back to sleep and so wasn't in the best of moods at the start of his shift. As much as he loved his brother, Xavier wished that Spencer would choose more convenient times for subspace transmissions. The only good thing to come out of the strange call, apart from speaking to his favourite sibling, was the very reason which took him to Paul's quarters right now.

Xavier hadn't been on the station too long and there was still no one that he could really call a 'friend', unless you counted Giellun, which Xavier wasn't inclined to do because he didn't want to be one of 'those' people. His first interaction with Lt. Graves had gone much better than expected and Xavier hoped the counselor wouldn't mind him showing up like this. The two had had so much in common that it almost felt as though they were meant to be friends, if you believed in stuff like that?

Xavier finally reached Graves' quarters and pressed the chime button to the side of the door.

In his quarters, Paul heard the knock and, glad of the excuse, set down the PADD he'd been trying to read a book from for the last hour. Every couple of sentences, his mind would wander back to the chaotic jumble of memory he had from his time aboard the Bretagne, and he lost track of what was on the screen.

Had he tried to kill Drake? There was no way to accidentally switch the O2 flow of an EVA suit on or off; it required two fingers to grasp the control and turn it.

I give up, Paul decided. I can't remember; I'm going half-crazy, trying. He got up from his sofa and went to answer the door. His eyes widened in surprise at seeing Xavier there. It seemed as if a lifetime had passed since the morning when Xavier had repaired his replicator. "Hey, Xavier, come on in," he said. "It's good to see you."

Xavier entered Paul's quarters with some trepidation. "Are you sure this isn't a bad time?"

Xavier could feel the confusion and doubt that was surrounding Paul's mind but he wasn't quite sure what was causing these conflicting emotions. He could dig a little deeper but that felt like a massive intrusion and that wasn't something he liked to do, especially to another Betazoid. Could he, Xavier, be causing these emotions in Paul? Paul seemed genuinely happy to see him at his door but what did that mean really?

"I could always come back another time?" Xavier said with a concerned look in his eyes.

"No, it's not a bad time at all," Paul said. "And talking with you is a lot better than me sitting here alone, spinning my wheels." He waved a hand toward his living area. "Have a seat. Can I get you anything?"

Xavier entered Paul's quarters and sat down on the sofa. "Well you look like you need a drink and since it's no fun drinking alone then I guess I'll have to join you," he replied with a grin. "I'll have a Black Hole please." Xavier waited for Paul to return from the replicator before he asked the question that was on his mind. "So what are you 'spinning your wheels' about?"

"One Black Hole and...a scotch, neat," Paul told the replicator. Moments later, the drinks materialized, and Paul took them out, handing the Black Hole to Xavier before sitting down.

"I'm spinning them trying to figure out if I tried to suffocate Col. Drake while we were on the Bretagne," Paul said. "It's kind of a pointless exercise." He paused. "How much do you know of what we encountered there? I don't know how much word got out while we were in Sickbay."

Xavier accepted the drink with a gracious nod. He took a sip but nearly spat it back out after Paul's revelation. He had heard that things had gone terribly wrong during the away mission and all involved, well the two that had actually returned, had needed serious medical attention, but that was about it.

"Suffocate? As in, tried to kill?" Xavier asked dumbfounded. He didn't need to be a telepath to know that Paul was being deadly serious. "Whatever I had heard obviously doesn't do the real story justice."

"It was pretty bad," Paul told him. "My memories are very jumbled up, but I do remember that the entire crew had murdered each other. When Drake and I found everyone dead on the Bridge, we went down to Sickbay." He shuddered. "There are a lot of ways to creatively kill a person in Sickbay. They used every way in the book and invented a few--if what I remember is true. I pray I'm remembering it wrong. In any case, the nightmares are no picnic. To make a long story short, Drake and I had drawn phaser weapons on each other just before his oxygen ran out."

Xavier was stunned into silence. There were so many things in Paul's story that turned his stomach, but to actually go through it, to actually live in that scenario would be too much for anyone, especially a part-Betazoid whose emotions already ran quite close to the surface. Xavier had heard stories of crews who contracted strange diseases that caused them to do all kinds of crazy things. The lucky ones were able to stop and contain the disease in time before any one, or too many people, were hurt. However, the unlucky ones...

"Wow," Xavier said eventually. He wanted to say more but couldn't quite find the words. "Seriously, wow! Have you and Drake talked since?"

Paul sighed. "Some. It hasn't been very productive. Just--surface conversation, not meaningful or satisfying. Nothing even as honest as what you and I are saying to each other right now. That's about as much as I may tell you," he said.

"Well I would suggest you need a counselor, but, well..." Xavier trailed off with a smile. "How do you move on from something like this?" He asked, the serious tone back in his voice.

Paul chuckled. "I probably do need a counselor; unfortunately, I'm the only one I've got at the moment. I'll just give it time," he said. "After a little bit, other, more current problems will take the place of this one, and this one will fade. Once it fades enough, I'll be able to look at it more objectively and figure out what I have to do."

Xavier wasn't a counselor, in fact he was far from. He liked to deal with problems that had a definite answer which was one of the reasons he had studied Operations and Engineering at the Academy. Something was broken or damaged, Xavier found a way to get it working again. Thinking along these lines made sense to the young Betazoid. There was a right and wrong, unlike someone's mental state which was a minefield of repressed memories and emotions. Being Betazoid did make him more empathic than the average gold-cladded officer, but he generally saved this service for his friends in need, like now.

"Will you be able to look at things objectively when you're still not quite sure what actually happened?" Xavier asked.

"I hope so," Paul said. "There comes a time when you have to take things on faith, on your knowledge of yourself and what kind of person you know you are and want to be. I don't think I'm the sort of person who'd cold-bloodedly murder another man. But if I did, I have to believe that my thoughts and emotions were so warped by the disease that I wasn't acting as I normally would--and neither was Drake. If I would forgive him, which I most certainly do, then I have to forgive myself. It just...takes a while to get to that point."

"Well you're a better person than me," Xavier said flatly. "I've obviously never been in such a situation but I don't know how easily I could forget it and even if I managed to forget, could I forgive?" Xavier shuddered a little. "It's a difficult situation, but I'm glad you made it back."

"Oh, I will never forget it," Paul said. "The experience as a whole was something I never want to repeat." He chuckled. "Drake will have to drag me kicking and screaming on another away mission.--which it would be fun to see him try. But I'm glad I made it back, too."

Xavier suddenly remembered his drink and took a massive gulp. He had talked so much his throat was dry, not that the fake-alcoholic-beverage was a good lubricant, however it was better than nothing. Xavier chuckled along with the image that Paul had conjured. "You're lucky we're in the middle of no-where, not many away missions for you to go crazy on."

"You made a good point," Paul said. He noticed Xavier sipping at his drink, and he sipped at his own. "Over here, the missions come to us." Paul stretched his legs out in front of him and glanced over at Xavier. "How's it going in Ops?"

"It's okay," Xavier answered truthfully. "I chose this assignment expecting to be assisting someone, the challenge was too good to resist. I never expected to be running the whole department in such a short time, it's taken me by surprise." Xavier stared at the remainder of his drink as he cradled the glass between his hands. "I like my job and I'm good at it," he added as he smiled cheekily at Paul, "and I'm good with people. What I can't work out is if I'm any good leading people, not everyone has that in them. Does that make sense?"

"It makes sense," Paul said. "But I doubt you'd have been made assistant at all if you hadn't been good at leadership."

"Possibly," Xavier said doubtfully. "Maybe it's one of them things that will come more naturally as I get used to the job."

"I'm positive it will," Paul said. "You're a decent guy, and that's a large part of what leadership is--decency and reliability. I think you'll do fine."

"Thank you Paul, that means a lot coming from you."

"It's the simple truth," Paul said with a smile. He took a sip of scotch. "You know, it really helped, talking to you, Xavier. I'm glad you came over."

Xavier smiled, "me too." He finished the remainder of his drink and looked at the chronometer on the wall. "Damn, I'm late for meeting Giellun." He placed his glass down on the table and made his way to the door. "Thanks for the talk Paul and I hope I helped with some of your troubles."

"You very much did, and I can't thank you enough," Paul said.

Xavier grinned and was about to leave when he remembered his reason for visiting in the first place. "Oh, I was speaking to my brother last night and he said he has got the perfect programme for us to try. It's a replica of a bar I used to visit with my uncle back on Earth. We should try it out when you're free."

"I'd love to," Paul said. He grinned back. "I can generally be persuaded not to overwork, given a good enough excuse." He saw Xavier to the door. "Have a good time with Giellum. Good night!"

"You too," Xavier said as he walked out of the door. He was looking forward to spending more time with the Counselor and developing their friendship more.

OFF

Lt Xavier Lee
Operations Chief
SB Protector

and

Lt. Paul Graves
Chief Counselor
SB-Protector

 

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