Be the Man

Posted on Tue 23rd Oct, 2018 @ 9:41pm by Lieutenant Damion Ildaran

321 words; about a 2 minute read

(MD2, after the evening with Elizabeth)

Interesting conversation with Elizabeth tonight. I've found that, after we talk, I think a lot about what we said. I never used to do that with the women I dated, but with her, I do it all the time.

Tonight, she told me she did not want to be a distraction to me. Part of me could have laughed because, in some ways, she already is that. I wanted to ask her, "Well, what if I want you to be a distraction to me? What if I delight in the distraction you present?"

And then I got to thinking, if she ever comes to believe she is a distraction to me, she's likely to drop me like a hot potato--for my own good. I think that would fair destroy me.

Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic. Still, that serves as a reminder to me. On the job, at least, I must continue to be the professional, never the lovelorn fool the professional feels like inside. She trusts me to keep a clear head, just as I trust her to know when to pretend she doesn't know me and to keep alert. I told her how I compartmentalize; I will continue doing that.

At the moment, though, I don't have to be the professional and am free to be the lovelorn fool in the privacy of my quarters. When I think how close I came to kissing her when we sat by the pond... Thank God I didn't, because I don't feel as if she's ready for that yet. And honestly, is there a rush?

No.

I'll take things at her pace. I've dealt with emotions all my life; she hasn't. If nothing else, I can remind myself that she's only, what, 14 now? I should at least wait until she's of legal age, aye?

Four standard years seems like an eternity.

 

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