Personal Log: Thinking About Relationships

Posted on Wed 30th Jan, 2013 @ 4:18am by Commander Paul Graves PsyD
Edited on Wed 5th Oct, 2016 @ 2:41am

431 words; about a 2 minute read

So Brian and I have decided to enter into a telepathic bond. To be honest, had he not couched it in terms of wanting to ease my pain, and had I not wanted to ease his pain equally as much, I don't think I would have agreed to do this so soon after meeting him; it's barely been a few weeks.

Among my people, from what I've observed, the desire to bond occurs either very swiftly or very slowly. Either you are quite sure almost from the beginning, or you want time to be slow and careful, to grow together before bonding.

With Fin, I was absolutely sure--had no doubt in my mind of what I wanted to do and why. I committed instantly, and I still don't regret it.

Part of me wonders whether such unquestioning confidence and certitude were the emotions of a foolish man rushing into something he perhaps should have waited to do. But I'm still glad I did it, and I still think it was necessary--if not necessarily for me, then for someone--to have done it.

Then there's Brian, with whom I want to take considerable time before entering into a full bond. If he weren't in the process of grieving for someone he loved deeply, I'd be more willing to move faster. As it is, I don't want to complicate things with the woman he loves. Better to just be his friend, and if love grows from that someday, fine--as long as it doesn't hurt him or Samantha.

Next on the list of possible interests is, the gods help me, Col. Drake. There are many reasons why I shouldn't pursue this interest, not the least of which is that he's my commanding officer, and I have to be able to objectively assess his mental health and fitness for command at any time. If my feelings for him blind my judgment, I can't function as Chief Counselor. He too is mourning the loss of someone he was deeply in love with. The scab has not nearly grown over that wound, much less begun to fade, as I think it has for Brian.

And yet, there's something about Drake that appeals to me...Perhaps it's the fact that he's never come on to me? He's invited me to breakfast and drinks, yes, but he hasn't made a pass at me, the way Brian did soon after we met. It enables me to look at him as just a man and to simply enjoy his company. I like that.

"End Log."

 

Tags: Paul, personal logs

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