A Slightly Unwelcome Return to Unfamiliar Territory [MD-10]

Posted on Fri 11th Oct, 2019 @ 7:30am by Commander Mikaela Locke

412 words; about a 2 minute read

"Personal log, Commander Mikaela Locke, stardate seven-zero-seven-seven-six point five.

This morning, Commodore Suzuki departed the station for a classified command briefing on Earth, leaving me, once again, in command of Starbase One-Oh-Nine.

I must confess that this has made me a little uneasy. Not because I question whether I have the ability to do the job - although, there is a certainly still have much I have to learn - but more because of the emotional weight that it brings...

The last time I was left in command of One-Oh-Nine, it was in wake of the death of the station's previous commander and my friend, Colonel Horatio Drake. It was a difficult time because, not only I was trying to lead a group of people through a time of mourning, but also because I was dealing with my own grief. So much so that I seriously considered whether I could even remain on the station in the aftermath. Everything felt like it was too much to bear. The weight of command in those circumstances was almost overwhelming.

And, I while I was under no impression that Starfleet Command would give me command of the station in the long term, it was still slightly bitter when then-Captain Suzuki arrived and it was taken away from me.

And I had resolved to leave the station - indeed, I was considering leaving Starfleet although...

I'm pretty sure that would have been a mistake.

Commodore Suzuki and I have, of course, since settled into a very professional working relationship and I admire and respect her very much. And, since staying, I've also made some progress in my personal life: Paul has been... good for me - and Jade and Haley have been, perhaps, the first real friends I've ever had.

And so while, personally, I'm in a much better place as I take on this new period of command - albeit for a limited time - I still feel both the weight of responsibility and some unwelcome residual feelings, in relation to sitting in the big chair.

But, although there is still a lot to do and there's a lot going on - One-Oh-Nine is, after all, a massive facility - I can't help feeling a little more optimistic that this latest soiree into command will be more straight-forward than the last.

Having said that, it doesn't make me feel any less anxious about it.

Or any more willing to take it on.

Computer... end log."

 

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