After The Fact

Posted on Wed 21st Nov, 2012 @ 4:55am by Commander Brian Windsong & Commander Paul Graves PsyD

3,998 words; about a 20 minute read

Mission: http://sb109.sim-station.net/index.php/sim/missions/id/3
Location: CNS Office
Timeline: After Reaping

Brian, his injuries still tender to the touch, despite the rather excellent treatment he had received, was dressed in jeans and a tight white t-shirt stood before the office door. He had just found out some rather shocking news, and he needed to share it with someone, someone he could trust. The only one he could think of was Paul. Paul could both keep a secret and offer good advice.

He pressed the chime for the office door.

From his desk, Paul glanced at the door but could not summon the willpower to get up and walk across the office to answer it. He was no longer contagious, but he felt like a wet dishrag.

"Come in," he called out.

He'd sensed it was Brian almost from the moment he invited him in. He'd seen Brian a time or two since recovering from the disease that had stricken him and Drake aboard the Bretagne--had insisted on seeing him as soon as he'd learned about the torture.

"You look a hell of a lot better than you did, the first time I saw you in Sickbay," Paul said, smiling. He glanced down to Brian's side. "Hey, Wicker. Is he behaving?"

Wicker's only answer was to wag her tail and look up at Paul with a quizzical look. Brian could not help but give him a smirk, "I'm glad you've recovered from your ordeal, I think it was at least as bad as what I went through."

"It sucked rocks through a straw, yes," Paul admitted. "Remind me to never volunteer to go on a weird mission with Drake ever again." He fell silent for a moment. "I still can't believe you were being attacked, all that time." Paul waved Brian to a chair, forgetting that his friend couldn't see it.

"But in a sense it was worth it. I found out who was responsible for killing Morgan and making me like this. I've told Samantha O'Dell about this and no one else. You're not going to believe it. Hell, I'm not sure I do either, but it all makes sense."

"So who was it--and why did they attack you and Morgan?" Paul asked. He paused. "Did you kill him? You said you intended to."

He couldn't decide how he would feel about that. And, since he'd come very near to killing Drake, himself, it would be the act of a hypocrite to criticize if Brian had killed the murderer.

"No, I didn't kill him," said Brian, his voice faltering, "I was really in no condition to do anything other than survive, but Kale told me. He... he and my brother are lovers, so he should know..."

Brian let out a long sigh and uninvited sat in the chair that Wicker had guided him to, "It was my brother, my own brother that... that did this to me."

Paul stared at Brian, the exhaustion evaporating from him for the moment. "That's crazy. Not unheard-of, but still..." His voice trailed off. "I can't even conceive of what to say to that." He shook his head and gave Windsong a direct look. "I'm sorry, Brian. That's a horrific situation to be in. Did this Kale person say why? I mean, even if I had a brother I despised, I'd never hurt him like that, because it would destroy my parents. I couldn't do that to them."

"I don't know why. Jealousy, envy, pride--Kale didn't tell me why, and I didn't ask him. That was the worst thing, you know. The worst thing about my ordeal I had three broken ribs, a punctured lung and a dozen minor injuries and he fraked with my mind, but what hurt me the most was the truth, the truth about my family."

"What truth? And how do you know that it is the truth and not merely something he said to torture you further?" Paul asked.

"The truth that Ricardo wanted me dead, that truth, Paul? Could it have been another lie as you suggest? I suppose there is a remote possibility of that, but only remote. I know when someone is telling a lie and when they're not. Everyone has a tell, and I would bet everything I hold sacred that what Kale said was the truth."

Paul nodded. "Yet he sent this fellow Kale to do his dirty work; he didn't have the stones to do it himself." Paul scowled. "It's a good thing I haven't met your brother, Brian."

It wasn't entirely an idle remark. He'd seen the medical report of Brian's injuries. Even now, if he let himself think about how bad they were, fury welled up in him. "If I wanted you dead, I would just shoot you. Why did he want you to suffer--if that's not too personal a question or something you'd rather not talk about just now?"

"I really don't know his motivations, I wish I did. I never did anything to hurt him, nothing beyond normal childish pranks and ordinary sibling rivalry. I need to get back to Acadia and do some digging." He took a deep breath, something he still had to do slowly despite everything that the medical staff had been able to do. Sometimes it just took awhile for the body to recover.

"You know Paul, I just feel so alone. I've lost count of all the people that I've slept with in the past five years, but most of them were gone the next morning if they even stayed the night. And those few that didn't weren't intersted in a relationship.

I don't want to be alone, especially after what happened. I want someone I can love, someone who will love me. Now more than ever. I can't bear the fact of being alone.

And another thing, Paul, Kale not only screwed with my body he screwed with my mind too."

Paul had been about to say something entirely different, something much more personal and intimate, about not wanting to be alone, either--but Brian's last admission swerved him off from what he first wanted to say.

"What did he do to your mind?" As a Betazoid, he took mental tampering very seriously. That sort of crime garnered the closest thing to a death penalty that Betazed had--not to assuage the anger of victims but because drastic measures were required to prevent such criminals from ever doing the same thing again.

"He tried to get me to think he had killed Sam and played mind games with me, but that's not really what I meant. He... he made me relive Morgan's death and my being blinded." He shuddered had had to sit down just at the memory of what Kale had done to him.

Paul stared at Brian, incredulous. "As in, telepathically relive it, or just remind you of it?" He hoped it was the latter. The thought of it being the former made him sick.

"Teleathically," Brian replied, "and on a loop, it kept on repeating."

Paul's eyes widened with horror. He took a couple of deep breaths and then looked at Brian. "Do you want a counselor right now, or do you want a friend?"

"Both," I guess," he admitted, "There is something else that happened too, he unleashed something in me. A power that I didn't know I possesed."

How to be both? Paul wondered. It ought to be so easy, but somehow, with Brian, it wasn't. The Friend part of him wanted to rush over to Brian and embrace him tightly; the Counselor part of him insisted that he maintain professional distance and objectivity.

"Damn, Brian," he said. "That is a hell of a lot for one man to have to take." He shook his head silently. "What is this new ability, and how do you feel about having it?"

"I managed to get Kale to 'blow his cool' which did stop the mental assault, but then he was trying to choke me to death. He was succeeding too and I thought for sure I was dead. With broken ribs and a punctured lung it was impossible to fight him off.

"Then suddenly he was across the room. I threw him there with my mind. A few Acadians have some telepathy but not like this. It is scary as Hell."

"Telekinesis, huh?" Paul gave a low whistle. "Brought on by stress. It's amazing to me that you didn't kill him by sheer accident." He thought for a moment. "You'll need to be trained to control that. Do you know of any Acadians with the ability? Among humans and even Betazoids it's extremely rare because it requires so much energy to do successfully."

'No, I don't as I said it probably happens more with Akadians than humans or Betazoids but it is usually only strong enough to lift a small item. Certainly nothing as powerful as mine. Do you know of anyone?"

Paul grimaced. "You won't like the story. The guy I knew had fine kinesis--cellular level. His ability manifested itself when someone insulted his deceased mother--long story. The victim wound up with irreparable brain damage. It messed my friend up for several years."

Are you talking about yourself, or an actual friend?"

Paul blinked at Brian. "Do I look like I have TK? No. He used to be my patient, and what I told you was from court records," Paul said. "He's of Betazoid ancestry but was born and raised on a colony world settled by religious fanatics. His mother was convicted of heresy, and my patient didn't take kindly to her being maligned. He was convinced she was innocent."

A number of thoughts filtered through Brian's mind, "So how did it turn out for him? I'm not sure I want this new gift. And it sounds as though your patient is a cautionary tale"

"You asked if I knew anyone with telekinesis," Paul said. "He's the only one I know." He sighed. "He got his life back together, but it took several years for him to learn control of his gift; he was afraid of it, at first." He looked at Brian. "It's normal to be afraid of something like that until you believe you can master the skill."

Brian looked towards Paul with unseeing, but not altogether unknowing eyes. "So what do I do?" he realized the question was somewhat open-ended, "Not just with my power, but with Kale and my brother? Kale deserves to die,maybe my brother too. I have to ask myself whether honor and revenge are worth the price of tearing my family apart."

"Good question to ask, and I'm damned glad you asked it," Paul said. "But it seems to me that some part of your family is torn apart already; the rest of the family just doesn't know it." Paul leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands behind his head. "I'm not convinced that honor and revenge are reason enough to tear your family apart, but I think their safety is. If your brother would do all this to you, when you have no idea why he'd do it, then what else might he do to the rest of your family, with them perhaps in equal ignorance?"

"Yeah I see what you're saying, well I am going to have to talk to the Captain, see about getting some leave. In the meantime, your former patient, the one that did learn to control his tk, is he around someplace?"

Paul nodded. "Yes. He was on Betazed, the last I knew. You want to find him?"

"Yes very much. I don't know how extensive this power is. Or what might set it off. I have to be able to control it or I become a danger to those around me. People I'm fond of. People like you."

Paul smiled at that comment. "You have enough self-discipline to learn to make and use a sword. I don't think TK will defeat you." He thought a moment. "Want to move to the couch?"

"No, I don't suppose it will." he commented arching his brow at the invitation to move to the couch. He didn't know if the implications were simply platonic of if Paul had something else in mind. Not that it mattered one way or the other. Friends or FRIENDS were both fine with him. He was however curious..

Paul took the hint and stayed where he was. Hesitation meant 'No.' "What happened to Kale?" he asked. "Is he being held onboard Protector?"

It didn't bother him that Paul was being cautious, professional or was plain not interested. In fact because nothing physical was likely to happen between them, at least not that evening, he relaxed to some degree.

"No, Kale got away. Otherwise I might be in the brig for his murder."

Paul gave Brian an incredulous look. "How the hell did he get away, with all the security we have on this station? And that reminds me, what happened with the whole diplomatic thing? Did the Emorites and Caliburnites reach an agreement?"

Although Brian could not see the look that Paul gave him he sensed the subtle shift in his posture, "He probably clouded their minds, Kale seems to be a pretty powerful telepath. As far as the diplomatic situation is cooncerned, they have declared a cease fire and have postponed things for six months. Both sides are working on proposals instead of war plans though, so that is at least half a victory.

"So what happened with you and the Colonel? I hear you had a pretty horrific time as well."

Paul let out a breath and grimaced. "Everyone onboard that ship had murdered each other--sometimes grotesquely. The cause turned out to be some kind of psychopathogen. The moment we took our EVA suits off, we were infected, too." He bit his lip. "We--we tried to kill each other, Brian. I know I had a phaser pointed at him at one point. And if that didn't work, reducing Drake's suit oxygen would have. I don't know if I did that, but it happened."

"And I thought I had problems Paul. Have you talked with anyone about this. How it's affecting you? I may not be a Counselor, but I'm a friend and I can help if you'd let me."

"Drake and I talked about it, a little--just before he promoted me, in fact," Paul said. "I'm worrying at something I don't even know for certain happened. It's ridiculous of me, and I know I ought to let the thing go, but I can't. When Drake tried to kill me, he was very direct and confrontational about it. I remember being direct with the phaser I held, too. But the suit oxygen..."

Paul shrugged. "The simplest explanation is that Drake probably forgot to turn the flow off when he removed his helmet. But...given that the Bretagne's crew died murdering each other, it's also entirely possible that I deliberately tried to suffocate him in about the most underhanded, cowardly way possible. But I'll never know for certain, and I need to figure out a way to live with that."

Brian reached over and put a hand on his shoulder, "If you want someone to talk this through with, I'm here, but you're not responsible. I know that's easy to say, but it's true, despite what you might think. You weren't yourself. It was the virus that was controlling you."

Paul reached up and clasped Brian's hand. "And what if the virus was simply acting on some subconscious part of my personality?" Paul asked. He snorted. "The problem is, I could waste the rest of my life on what-ifs. The only way to proceed is to move forward. I keep telling myself that, but I don't want to listen; I'm still too caught up in the shock."

Brian wanted to reach down and kiss Paul, not because he was attracted to him sexually, though there was of course some of that, but that was just the way of his people, it was the way they expressed themselves and showed their empathy. He wasn't sure how Paul would take it, so instead he just stood there trying to lend his strength to his troubled friend.

His free hand hovered just above Paul's temple. "I can help you find out, he said, or at least deal with those issues. Are you familiar at all with the Akadian bonding process?"

"No, I'm not," Paul said.

"It is a somewhat long and complicated ritual. It involves two people or a small group to become bonded to each other for life. It's always personal, but it can between friends or business partners, not always marital.

Anyway, I don't want to bore you with all the details, we can only bond with three people in our lifetime and its too early in our friendship to be talking about that. But part of the... process is becoming one with the other emotionally, taking on the other's problems, issues and joys. Similar to a Vulcan mind-meld, but deeper than that.

What I am saying is I can take some of your pain, your emotions, and help you deal with it. If you're willing that is."

"When you say, 'take some of it,' what exactly do you mean?" Paul asked.


"Exactly what I said. Take some of it on myself. Let it become part of me. Trust me after what Kale did to me, it will be like child's play. I think I can 'absorb' it without too much ill-effect. It's what friends do for each other."

Paul thought about that for a few moments. "I...don't know if I want you to do that. It's not part of you, shouldn't become part of you." He fell silent. "But that is the point of bonding--am I right? To share each others' pain so you can grow closer together?" He looked at Brian for confirmation. "If I married a Betazoid woman, for example, my wife would expect me to share these things with her, and I'd expect the same of her in return."

"That is exactly the case to share each others pain and victories. Ours wouldn't of course be a full bonding, but we would grow closer, be able to share each others thoughts even more than normal."

"I will share my memories with you," Paul said at last, "and I am willing to shares yours, if you feel comfortable allowing me in."

"I am willing, but there is another question I need to ask you and you need to be completly honest with me and yourself. Do you have any feelings for me and if so, what are they?"

Paul blinked. Generally, he was completely honest in everything he said or did. Mindhealing was in fact one of the few professions in which a certain level of dishonesty was sometimes required. He therefore had more practice at dishonesty than many of his people. He debated for a moment how honest to be.

"I feel...conflicted," Paul said at last. "I'm interested in you. I like you; I find you attractive, and I'd like to get to know you better. But I also have an obligation to you and to the rest of this crew to be as objective and as ethical as possible in my dealings with you when you come to me for counseling. I find it very difficult to be at all objective about people I love.

"I'm afraid that, if I allow myself to fall in love with you, I might not be able to help you when you need my help. I might not be able to make the sort of objective decisions I might someday have to make. I might not even be able to make the sort of decisions a good counselor ought to be able to easily make, if I'm in love with you. And, if I ever did successfully make a hard decision about you that had no good choices, what would that do to a bond?"

"I'm not sure. This wouldn't be a full bond, so the repercussions would be uncertain. While I appreciate what you've told me. Flattered by it actually since I am somewhat conflicted in my feelings towards you, I was not just asking for personal reasons.

This bond, even though it is only partial, will intensify our feelings for each other. Doesn't mean that we lose control and are going to tear each other's clothes off and jump in bed together, but it might complicate matters. It will make it far easier to climb into each other's heads. You just need to know that before we go ahead with it."

"Oh, I presumed you were asking because this is a serious thing," Paul said. "If you can only share such a bond with three other people, you have to be very certain about the people whom you bond with. I would have wondered if you hadn't asked."

He looked back at Brian. "Would you mind telling me what conflict you're feeling?"

"I like you, Paul I just don't know how much. I would like to find out. I think. I really want a relationship, that is why bonding came about, we on Akadia aren't exactly known for our monogamy or one on one commitments. When Morgan was killed I became very promiscuous for a time. Now, well now I've found three people as potential bondmates. "You, Colonel Drake, Sam, are all vying for attention and I am still unsure of what to do or who to turn to. I guess you've gathered that.

"I mean each of have qualities that I admire. Right now Sam and I are seeing each other. She's told me she loves me and I think I love her as well. But there is such a difference between our two worlds. I could be in a relationship with the three of you and have no issues with it, she would see that as choosing one of you over her. I'm not sure if our cultures can be reconciled."

Paul nodded at Brian and thought of Fin, who'd been reassigned while he was in Sickbay. "I can understand your dilemma with Sam. I liked Fin very much, too," Paul admitted to Brian. "And I can tell you that, if she were still here, I would want to see if any sort of relationship could develop between us, and I'd be concerned about her culture's attitudes toward bonding, as well."

"Then we are on the same page as far as that is concerned then. I guess if we are both of the same mind on the bonding, though a complete bonding requires the permission of the Elders, that is what makes it permanent, then we might as well get started as long as you are sufficiently rested.

"I'll need a clothing item, a weapon that you've used and one other personal item. The more personal the better."

"If that's the case, my quarters would be a better place for us to do this in," Paul said. "And if you need me to be rested, we should wait a couple of days. I didn't come to the door to greet you because that's how tired I am. I probably shouldn't even be here, but I was bored with sitting in my quarters."

"Good idea, why don't we meet tomorrow after we get off shift. What do you say to meeting for dinner someplace then going to your place?"

"That sounds like a good idea," Paul said. "Orchids and Jazz or somewhere else?"

"Sure Orchids and Jazz is fine. I have to be there shortly anyway, my first gig after the, em situation with Kale. Tomorrow then say 1730?"

"1730 is fine," Paul said. He smiled. "I'll see you at O&J tomorow, then."

Tag
Lt. Commander Brian Windsong
Chief Diplomatic Officer
SB Protector

and

Lt. Paul Graves
Chief Counselor
SB-Protector

 

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