Bonding Part 3

Posted on Wed 26th Jun, 2013 @ 4:24am by Commander Paul Graves PsyD & Commander Brian Windsong

1,697 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: http://sb109.sim-station.net/index.php/sim/missions/id/4
Location: Paul's Quarters
Timeline: TBD
Tags: Graves, Windsong

Brian weaved his way through the pattern of candles and slowly sat down. He sat a knife down between the two of them. "That's for a bit later," he said indicating the knife.

For now let's just focus on breathing and getting in sync with each other."

"All right." Paul joined Brian in the center of the circle and made himself comfortable. Then he watched Brian's breathing for a few moments and began to match him breath for breath. Gradually, he relaxed more and more and lowered his shields to match Brian's calm, as well.

As Paul's shields lowered, Brian's mind reached out to his. Not an invasion, just a gentle probing at first. Then the contact became more intimate, more searching, Brian's shields lowered and then disappeared altogether. A form of trust, an invitation on his part. At this point it was very much like a Vulcan mind meld

Paul let his shields become thinner and thinner, growing more cautious the thinner they got. He normally had to be very careful to maintain his shields. Fortunately, the walls of his cabin were enough to block out the rest of the crew's minds, and Brian was a welcome presence. At last, he dissolved his shields altogether and let his awareness mesh with Brian's.

Their pasts from childhood to their times at the Academy, their different assignments their time on the Protector became known and shared with the other. While some of the details were glossed over, their past friends and lovers were shown, but most of the intimate details were left out, everything was pretty much open for the other to see and explore.

It was tricky, maintaining a balance between sharing and learning without prying intrusively or allowing Brian to see confidential matters, a delicate dance of minds. Carefully, Paul showed Brian his (rather confused) memories from the Bretagne as well as his loss of confidence following the suicide of his friend Keriss. Those were the things he felt the most reluctant to share with anyone else but felt that a bondmate should know about him.

After absorbing what Paul shared Brian in turn, opened up the revelation that his brother Ricardo and his partner Kel was responsible the death of his boyfriend and his own blindness, he even let slip what his plans were for dealing with Ricardo and they were very personal and very much not in line with Star Fleet operating procedure, he also shared just how horrific the experimentation of Section 49 had been to him especially with the residual energies from the dead. Finally he allowed him to see his feelings about Samantha and his fear that he would lose her.

Some of it Paul already knew, but he had not known the true depth of Brian's desire to deal with Ricardo. Even having felt his friend's anger before did not entirely prepare Paul for it. Hatred like that was rare on Betazed and, he suspected, on Brian's homeworld, too. It still amazed him that Ricardo could have hidden his feelings so completely from Brian as to take Brian by surprise.

Experiencing the telepathic residual emotions of the victims of 49-Alpha from Brian's perspective at once both fascinated Paul and horrified him with their suffering all over again. But he had borne it once and could do so again, especially with Brian's help, as he could help Brian see what he himself had experienced and ease Brian's memories of it with a feather-light mental touch here and there, taking care only to lend Brian his caring and to not tamper beyond than that.

Having Paul inside his mind was a unique experience for Brian, at least on this level. This was the first time he had been bonded to someone else. It was at the same time both fascinating and frightening. Just having his presence helped him with the memories of the dead. Especially since he knew most of the telepaths felt the same thing.

Before leaving their current level of mental intimacy he asked if there was any other area that Paul wanted to explore.

Paul hesitated a moment. "If it wouldn't be an intrusion--I would like to know how it felt to learn how to forge and use your sword, blind."

"The sword was forged a long time ago and passed down. It has been in my family for close to 1,000 years. I added my own blood to the blade but I didn't need sight to do that.

"The fighting is another matter. It took a lot of long hard hours. I had to relearn everything. I had to use all my other senses, not just my telepathy and it wasn't easy. But I would not trade the experience for anything."

"It's a hell of an accomplishment," Paul said. "I'm not surprised you wouldn't trade it away." He looked back at Brian. "Is there anything else that you would like to know about me?"

"Two things. You and Ashton, seem to be getting along well, are you dating? And you saw what I was planning. Akadian justice, not Federation justice. What are you going to think of Sam and myself when we do this?"

"We're not dating yet," Paul said, "but I'm interested, and I think he is, too. I question the professional ethics and wisdom of it, even though the rest of me wants to throw caution to the four winds."

He looked directly at Brian, despite his blindness--or perhaps because of it. "I am unreserved about very few things, Brian. I have to live my life that way because of what I am and what I do. But with Ashton I want to set aside the reserve, give myself to him fully, and that scares me because of its implications for my work. I could harm him if I'm careless, and it's very important to me that I don't harm him."

Paul let out a breath. "As for Akadian justice...You haven't done it yet, so I don't know what I will think; it will depend on what you and Sam ultimately do."

He gave Brian a wry look and went on. "I'm not going to prate to you about self-restraint or the benefits of forgiveness. I haven't suffered what you've suffered, and it would be repugnant to me to offer you even sensible platitudes. As long as you and Sam are both willing to accept the consequences to your careers, it's up to you, and I will support you both as much as I can. You won't lose my friendship over it."

"I appreciate your frankness about the situation with Ricardo and that I'm not going to lose your friendship over it. That reassures me. Of course if we are clever enough we won't be losing our careers. But even so. It will be worth it.

As for you and Drake, I think I can give you some advice. Don't worry about some stupid professional ethics.There is no regulation against what you're doing. As long as you can separate your personal and professional lives, you'll be fine.

"You've got to be willing to take a chance. If I hadn't let go of the ghosts, let go of Morgan, then I would not have taken a chance with Sam. And while she's not going to ever take his place, she is becoming, no she is my soulmate.

"You won't know if you and Ashton are soul mates unless you try to find out. Maybe it goes someplace, maybe you just have a good f, good time."

"The purpose of the professional ethics is to have some hard-and-fast rules that become ingrained habits so you don't have to worry about keeping your professional and private lives separate; they just naturally are," Paul countered. "But you are right. If I never take the chance, I will never find out--and I want to find out."

"Look at one point I thought I wanted to explore something with him. He's a good looking guy and we have a lot in common. We both know what it is like to lose someone we love. But that was before Sam. I think its great that you want to find out, but he is still going through stuff right now. He is never going to be the one to make the first move.

"You need to be the one to ask him out, or better yet you need to be bold and just walk up and give him a kiss."

"I think I'll start with asking him out," Paul said with a light smile. "We'll see where it goes from there."

Brian could not help but smirk,"Well an Akadian would seize the day, but if you want to take baby steps, I guess that works too."

Paul chuckled. "There are very few places where Drake and I both go, where I'd just grab him and kiss him." The smile stayed on his lipe for a few moments longer. "So how are things with you and Sam? You've seemed pretty solid lately."

"We have been really solid. I am thinking this might be for real this time. Something more than just casual."

"That's wonderful, Brian!" Paul smiled. He paused. "Is she, ah...okay with the idea of you bonding with me? It must surely seem odd to her."

"She'd even be okay with our sleeping together, not that I'm suggesting we do that mind you. But I'm going to ask her to bond with me too, so I think she'll be fine with it. Totally fine."

"I'm glad you're going to ask her to bond," Paul said. "You two kind of complement each other."

"Yeah, I never thought I would find someone to replace Morgan, and no one can really. But well she is becoming very special to me."

"I've always thought it must be a rather pitiful person who could find it in himself to truly love only one other," Paul said. He grinned at Brian. "So enjoy the ride, my friend."

"I just hope it never ends," came the short reply.


OFF

Lt. Paul Graves
Chief Counselor
SB-Protector

Commander Brian Windsong
Chief Diplomatic Officer
SB Protector

 

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