Three Days and Counting

Posted on Tue 22nd Nov, 2016 @ 4:03am by Commander Paul Graves PsyD
Edited on Tue 22nd Nov, 2016 @ 5:16am

471 words; about a 2 minute read

Begin Log. Health information privacy encryption enabled.

It has now been three days since I gave Col. Drake the deadline to meet with me. I am debating extending that time by at least a day, to account for the lengthy amount of time we had to spend on the Warspite, traveling back to Vanguard at Warp 2. Emotionally, it was not an easy mission, and the puzzling nature of the enemy we encountered served more to frustrate than to fascinate. Who are they? Where did they go? Why are they attacking us and the Romulans? What do they want? We have answers to none of those questions. They pose a danger to us, and there seems no way to negotiate or even to talk with them. Lt. Anthony's death on top of that was yet another stressor.

I am perturbed because I want to meet them again. It is rare that I go as deeply into others' minds as I did into theirs in my need to blot out the pain of Lt. Anthony's dying. I went--very deep. I felt like one of them. I was operating the tactical console as if I were one of them. I responded to Drake's orders as they would, assessed him as they would have and found him satisfactory--an effective and disciplined commander. I didn't return to real awareness of myself until they vanished. The sense of loss I felt at their departure stuns me even now. I was bereft. I even felt...cheated. How dared they leave without me?

It has taken some hours and meditation to confront those emotions and sort through them. There is also the shaken feeling of having survived my first combat mission when someone I was working closely with did not. Always before I've been either in my office or assisting in Sickbay during combat. I've never been on the bridge at such a time. I worry that the only reason I kept myself together is because I was so deeply enmeshed in the enemy. I might have to enmesh in Drake next time if it gets really bad. I don't want to do that; it feels ethically wrong to do that. But he was so rock-solid calm through the whole encounter. Had I not been focused on the enemy, I would have sought refuge in Drake's mind, because Lt. Anthony was in a lot of pain. I would have been unable to take tactical when Drake ordered me to, without that refuge.

Well, this has been a rather meandering monologue. I wonder how Col. Drake is getting through the aftermath? I should go check up on him--and on Hunt, I think. I gather that events were rough on-station while we were out taking fire.

Yes...I think it is time for a walk.

End Log.

 

Tags: paulgraves, logs-graves-counselor

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