Aftermath.

Posted on Sun 13th Apr, 2025 @ 3:58pm by Ensign Elaine Kaleh

936 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: The Phoenix Gamble
Location: Ensign Kaleh's Quarters
Timeline: MD ? 1950

Safety.

4 walls, not a trace of any infestation of any kind, the scent of clean fresh bedding. A faint hint of lemon made her nose tingle, and a single tear cut through the smudged dirt on her cheek. The muscles in her jaw jumped as she caught the reaction and forced it down.

The sense of smell is closely linked with memory, probably more so than any of our other senses. the voice of her teacher sounded in her head as if she was still in that tiny classroom. Adding a scent can help trigger memories in people, and can make you memorable in certain scenarios. It can make or break an undercover assignment, if you wear the wrong perfume or cologne in the wrong place.

Elaine had stood there over a year ago and looked at the tiny quarters, with an expression on her face as if this was the greatest gift that anyone could have possibly given her. She could if she wanted to stay in here every moment of every day she wasn't working, and no-one would ever accost her again. No-one could ever hurt her again. There was no need for her to entertain anyone in the way she'd been forced to do to survive.

If she closed her eyes for too long she would see them, lined up for her like she was a novelty item they all wanted to sample. She didn't even cry with the last ones, just closed her eyes and tried to remember the last time...when she'd been loved. It was good that she'd known love before she'd boarded that ship...for had she not, she would never have touched anyone man or woman again.

The shower hissed quietly, a sound that she hadn't even registered as being soothing because she was so focused on Clean that she'd not even heard it. She'd scrubbed and scrubbed but felt like she'd never be clean again. Blood trickled from numerous scratches bringing with them a sting that she didn't even recognize. Bubbles pinkened with her blood swirled around the drain in a macabre dance.

Sinking to the floor of the shower stall Elaine could bear no more and rested her forehead on her knees, clutched to her chest like a life preserver. Broken nails dug into her forearms, choked little noises of distress escaping clenched teeth as she rocked there letting the hot water ease away the weight of her sins.

The heat pounding down on her, the steam she breathed in, and eventually the sound of the falling water relaxed her enough to unclench her jaw. It took ages more before she could uncurl enough to drop a blob of shampoo into her hand and reach up to scrub it through filthy hair. It was a memory of filth long past, but brought forward by memory and the hair wrap she'd thought she could wear again. She had been incorrect. She'd been wearing a similar hair wrap that she'd immediately thrown into the recycler when these quarters had been provided her. The excuse that she'd been undercover was easily accepted by the quartermaster. He hadn't noticed, nor cared as she was a nameless line on a PADD full of transactions.

Safety was an illusion.

She'd barely graduated before they sent her back to that hellhole that she'd had to sell everything she'd come with to escape. A poor or rather an inexperienced handler for a brand new agent on a world that was in a fugue state. She'd learned many a life lesson there, on that first assignment. She'd been bent to the point of cracks in her facade, but no full on breaks.

Safety was an illusion that she could bring to reality for others by her very existence.

I can make it safe.

Her skills could make this place better, and she had tacit permission to bend the rules should the circumstance warrant it. Exhaling a slow breath, her body finally eased it's spasms and allowed her to take inventory of herself. She wasn't injured though her arms bled where her nails had bit into her own flesh. Her racing heart slowed minutely as she breathed a meditative 8 count out. Sitting on the floor of her shower with the water pouring over her head and pooling atop her thighs, she finally was able to pull her thoughts out of the spiral of awful memories to the here and the now. What had even triggered that nightmare? The ancient fear that she held in the deepest part of her psyche? The monster inside her that held her in such terror she would die before she let out a sound.

The meeting with the XO, had been a tipping point of a sort, and she was uncertain how to proceed with the subtle offer of friendship. Of an ally in the highest levels of the station. It was to be honest, inconceivable. Who would want to be allied with her? She was a professional asset maybe, if they were planning on sending her back to somewhere dark and dirty. Where she did her best work. Was she being cultivated for something, or was it possible to take something at face value here at the edge of the universe?

She is not safe, but she is the same as you. That look was...it was....deep. It held more than it should have. You shouldn't trust her, but you should accept some part of the offer she gave you. See if she really has your back. She might.

 

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