Personal Log - On Being Me

Posted on Sun 31st Mar, 2019 @ 5:30pm by Lieutenant Damion Ildaran

451 words; about a 2 minute read

Newest thing to come down the Intelligence pipeline is that the Nyberrite Alliance is recruiting former Starfleet NCOs. I suppose, if Starfleet's let you go, it's good work.

I've not seen anything more out of home since that bit about the murdered girl a while back. I'm not sure how much I want to keep track of goings-on there. I'm still amazed that anything got through at all. My feelings about home are still mixed. On one hand, I look all over the place for news. On the other hand, part of me is deeply disgusted with myself for looking.

Life in general goes on. I spend as much time as I can with Elizabeth, but I've branched out more. I quite like Adam Keller, Andrew Eberstark, and Liz Brennen. I miss Jacen, but he was so cagey, I never got to know him well, save to feel he was... unconventional, a bit disturbing, but also charming and likeable. I try to keep myself so by-the-book while not in the field, that working wi' him was awkward at times. I would never keep alcohol in my office, for instance. He probably thought me a stick-up-the-arse prude. But no, I like a pint or several as much as the next bloke; just never in my office, in uniform.

I finished the acorn and oak leaf-design pillows I knitted for Elizabeth and delivered them to her the other day. They went over well, which I was glad to see. Fun bit of knitting, those.

I've been thinking lately about dropping the Edinburgh accent when I'm with her. I don't know how she feels, that the accent I always use when we're together is a sham. I had to learn it to infiltrate that criminal ring in Edinburgh, and I kept using it because I plain fell in love with it and also because I had to deeply immerse it into me. If those blokes had thought for a moment that I wasn't one of them, I'd be dead now. After I finished the job in Edinburgh, the accent just stuck, and I've not tried to lose it. In truth, I really don't want to lose it. I love it.

But I do want Elizabeth to know the real me--all of me.

Or maybe only all of me that's fit to print?

She knows there are some less than pleasant aspects to me. I'll not treat her like some pampered Federation git who's too delicate for the truth; she deserves better from me than that. I guess I'll just leave those bits for if they ever come up. Otherwise, let them stay where they are, as background.

 

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