Personal Log - A Toe in the Water

Posted on Wed 4th Apr, 2018 @ 10:40pm by Commander Paul Graves PsyD
Edited on Mon 16th Apr, 2018 @ 8:39pm

407 words; about a 2 minute read

Personal log. Health information privacy measures activated.

Jasmine and Adam's wedding was ... beautiful! They couldn't have picked a better setting, and their love for each other was evident and a delight to see.

It also reminded me why I don't like crowds. Or maybe it was just that some of the guests were not exactly comfortable being around those of us who attended the wedding naked.

Very well, one person in particular.

I spent a couple of days in close proximity with Mikaela while we cleaned out Horatio's quarters and office--more on that later--and shipped his belongings to his family. She's attracted to me. She did her best to hide it, and I did my best not to notice, but yes, I noticed; it would be difficult for me not to, even with full shields up.

And...I'm attracted to her, too. She's smart as a whip, not at all difficult on the eyes, and I like the way she can be both extremely competent at her job and yet also shy at unexpected moments. Just when you think she's some kind of superwoman, she reminds you that she's still human.

I stood in the audience at the wedding today doing my level-best to not acknowledge that I felt anything beyond the desire to make small talk. I don't know if I hope I succeeded or not. I'm not used to having to hide my feelings to this degree, but if I don't, I won't be able to maintain a professional relationship with her. I won't be able to help Mikaela if she ever needs it. I don't want to give anyone cause to question my professionalism or impartiality.

It doesn't help that there are times when I'm not at all interested in maintaining professionalism around her.

Horatio, I wish you were here to talk to about this.

Or maybe not. Would you have gone into protective, brotherly mode and tried to warn me off? Given me a fist-bump and toasted the idea with a beer?

I can still remember the way you felt in my mind. It's a fleeting thing, but there.

Mikaela is my direct superior. So this can't go anywhere. Right? Right.

Errrrgh! Damn it, Horatio, why did you have to get yourself killed? Lousy timing, I have to say. Because I really am tempted to think that just inviting Mikaela out for coffee couldn't do any harm....

I am an idiot.

 

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