Should I Stay or Should I Go? - Part II

Posted on Tue 17th Apr, 2018 @ 6:48pm by Commander Mikaela Locke

1,052 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Brushfires
Location: Orchids & Jazz
Timeline: 6.5 Days Until Decision

Commander Mikaela Locke sat in the place that she usually found herself whenever she felt down. Or confused. Or angry. Or frustrated... Pretty much any negative emotion, actually: In a bar, with a drink in her hand.

Although, in this case the drink hadn't arrived yet.

She sat in her usual corner-booth in Orchids and Jazz - her favourite drinking establishment on the station. As she waited for one of the servers to come over, she tried to remember at what point this seat had become her 'usual', but she couldn't. At heart, she was a creature of habit. She had made a choice one day, and decided, for whatever reason, that she liked the spot. And so, she returned to it automatically, rather than having to make the choice again. It made things simpler, somehow.

As Jade walked through the tables, stopping here and there to chat with new customers, or old friends, she noticed that Mikaela Locke was seated at the corner booth. It had been a couple of days since she'd seen her, and the woman looked troubled ... no, not exactly. Her aura was alright, but she looked ... thoughtful. Jade made her way over in a few minutes, just as Jenna walked away with an order.

"Commander, what's this? It seems you've been promoted. Congratulations! You've certainly earned that full pip. Mind if I join you?" Lantz asked.

"By all means," Mikaela replied, indicating to the seat opposite her in the booth. In truth, she had been hoping that Jade would come over this evening. As the most senior officer on the station, except for the captain herself, she found it very difficult to confide in anyone without feeling incredibly vulnerable. As if whatever information she might divulge about her personal circumstances might come back to haunt her. The El-Aurian club owner had always been that one person that she felt she could be honest with. Mostly because, as far as she could tell, she had nothing to gain from passing any information on to anyone.

As Jade sat, Mikaela reached up and touched the new solid pip on her collar that she had referred to a moment ago. "That's exactly the point," she replied, wistfully, "I'm pretty sure I haven't."

"Really? Why ever not? Haven't you done an excellent, I would say outstanding, job as Executive Officer on a base that houses nearly a quarter million sentients? Didn't you do everything possible to keep Colonel Drake from making his final mistake? Haven't you, until just the last couple of days, competently taken over as commander of this enormous complex, and provided haven for a very pirate-battered ship, in addition to all the usual traffic here? I think there's every reason that you deserve it, and apparently others agree with me, because," Lantz motioned at Locke's collar with a smile, "there it sits. In fact, I suspect Colonel Drake submitted the paperwork quite some time ago. Nothing happens instantly, as I understand the military."

Mikaela gave a half-smile as Jade listed off her 'achievements'. In truth, she had been so obsessed by her role in Horatio Drake's death, that she hadn't really stopped to think about everything that she had accomplished in the relatively short space of time since she had returned to Starbase 109. "I suppose you're right," she reluctantly agreed. "But I don't think that changes anything."

Jade smiled at her, "Of course you don't. You're modest almost to the point of self-effacing. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll live up to the rank. Are you staying on as Executive Officer with Captain Suzuki or moving on to your own command somewhere, perhaps? I'd really hate to see you go, because I feel that we are becoming friends, and I don't have enough of those to spare one."

“To be honest....” Locke began before trailing off and sighing heavily. “To be honest, I just don’t know. This morning, I resigned my commission... This afternoon, I was promoted.” She looked up at Jade and spread her hands in mock disbelief, “It’s been a hell of a day.”

Lantz half-smiled and shook her head. "That's life isn't it? I'm going to guess the new base commander told you to think it over, and wouldn't take the resignation yet. Is there something you want to move toward? Or is your strongest desire to simply get away from here? You don't have to tell me, but you might want to answer that for yourself."

They were both silent for a while, thinking their own thoughts. Finally, Jade said, "There was a time in my life when I thought I had everything I ever wanted, and then it was gone in a brief moment. My only thought was to go, to get away from my friends, my home, anything that had mattered in the past. I felt I had to be somewhere else, far away from anyone who knew me, or whom I knew. I was determined I would never care about another human being." Maybe that's enough to tell, to get the point across, she thought.

"When I look back, I think if I had stayed, the people I left behind would have helped me heal faster, to look beyond the pain and see the beauty and the goodness. I've come to do that anyway," she shrugged, "but it didn't have to be so hard or take so many years. I don't know if I am qualified to advise you at all, since our situations are not identical, but the loss is similar. I encourage you to think carefully before you give up everything that has meant anything to you. 'Cause you know, life can be hell."

Mikaela nodded, just a little. “You’ll get no argument from me there,” she replied, quietly admitting to herself that she already knew the answer to Jade’s question: Her strongest desire was simply to get away from the station. But as she looked across at Jade and replayed the story she had just told her in her mind, she realized two very important things. Firstly, a blank slate was not all it was cracked up to be and, secondly, real friends were few and far between...

...and she didn’t have enough of those to spare one either.

 

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