An Evening Walk
Posted on Fri 15th Jul, 2022 @ 4:26pm by Elizabeth Anderson M.D. & Lieutenant Damion Ildaran
1,884 words; about a 9 minute read
Mission:
The Hunted
Location: Tivoli Gardens
Timeline: MD-5, 1900 hours
Damion finished putting the last of the dishes away in Elizabeth's kitchen and stretched the kinks out of his back. "That was a delicious meal," he said. They had dined on a vegetable casserole consisting of spiral-cut zucchini strands, carrot slices, and various other kinds of squash, mixed with some pulled chicken and gooey cheese. "Do you feel like walking it off?"
Every once in a while, like just now, he would find himself asking Elizabeth how she felt, and it would suddenly occur to him that maybe she didn't feel what he did. If she said yes to his question, did she really feel full, or was she simply picking up on his feeling that he felt full and needed to burn some calories?
He told himself to stop over-analyzing it. There were more important things to trouble his brain about than that.
Elizabeth reflected for a moment. She had no physical need to "walk it off" when she ate, but she enjoyed the taste of things, even if food wasn't required to power her life. Damion, on the other hand, was completely biological. Was he indicating he had overindulged in her casserole? Of course, it was all healthy, but still .... She always liked spending time with Damion, and a walk was a great excuse.
"Sure," she agreed. "It's a lovely evening for tromping about the gardens here ... or elsewhere on the base, if you prefer. Rain isn't scheduled here until middle of the next shift, so we should see some kind of moon and stars projected above. Let's do it." She slipped her feet into her favorite sandals and held out a hand to the man she preferred above all others, on 109 or anywhere in the universe.
Damion slid his hand into Elizabeth's and went downstairs with her to the lobby of her counseling office and then down the flight of exterior stairs to the sidewalk. It felt good to be with her again after three days of avoiding her. He knew he had needed the three days to himself, though. Graves, he suspected, would have regarded it as time to grieve. It had also been time for himself to figure out a way to move forward from his guilt over leaving Jorn behind in the tunnels back home--to accept that moving forward from that guilt was his only choice, however difficult he might find it.
"What's been going on in Brown Sector for the last few days?" he asked. "There's a new casino down there, but that's the only new thing I've heard about since I last saw you."
"It hasn't changed too much, for all the Starfleet notice it's had recently," Elizabeth sighed. "Still children running dirty in the streets without everything they need. Heaven knows Renato and his group try to at least feed them and educate them as much as they'll sit still to listen. It's taken a long time to get where it is, and it will take a long time to pull it back. I suppose at least the casino will offer jobs to some of the adults, and maybe teens. They haven't had a lot of good things happen, and all that business with the bombs, or whatever they're calling them, didn't help any."
As they walked along, she twined her fingers between his and wondered if he would tell her what bothered him. She tried not to be too much of a counselor in their relationship, or too non-human, but it didn't stop her curiosity. She could probably have that adjusted, but it felt more like her human friends, so she wouldn't.
"What's new in espionage and intelligence?" she asked.
"Well, SCIS, really," Damion said. "We're working on the plan to infiltrate the drifter colony and set sensors and recording devices on the ship where we think our guy is holed up. The sessions with Graves are...rough, but working. I...talked to him a lot in the last one. He ran a holosimulation of just a spacewalk, and I completely lost it. I really didn't want to discuss why with him, but--when I did, it helped." He gave her an apologetic look. "That's why you haven't seen me in three days. I didn't want to have to explain anything to anyone; it was too raw. I just wanted to be alone." A wry look crossed his face. "I actually went to the new casino last night, intending to get drunk, except--I just don't do that. I couldn't even make myself do that. Two pints, and I was done--and I'm glad."
"I'm glad it's helping. We talked about some of it when you first came to me, on the ship, but we got side-tracked," she said with humor. "I think going to Graves is better at this point." Elizabeth decided to leave it at that. If he wanted to say more, he could, but it was Paul's job to work with him this time, not hers.
"I did notice your absence," she glanced sideways at him. "I always notice when you are missing, and it isn't my favorite thing, but you have a lot to work out. I know it's going to take time, and I'm happy you are doing it. It's healthier for you ... and for us."
She followed his slight change of subject. "It's always better when we stick to being ourselves. What did you think of the casino? I've sort of missed going to the shows in Hunt's casino upstairs. Is this one anything like that?"
"It's run by a fellow named Qaraq, and I think he does want to put a theater on the upper floor. I told him I'd like to take you there sometime."
Damion turned to Elizabeth at her question and smiled. "I'm glad we got sidetracked. As for Graves taking over from you--my feelings are mixed. I feel like I ought to tell you what happened, because we're us. We tell each other things, even when the telling isn't easy. I don't want the things I tell Graves and don't necessarily tell you to be a barrier between us. And at the same time--if I told you everything, I think that would be an unfair burden on you, which is probably part of why I stopped being your patient in the first place. I'd much rather be your friend. I'd much rather be free to love you."
Elizabeth was silent for a moment at the word love. It hadn't come up often in their years together, though what she felt for him, she thought, was certainly what humans meant when they used the word. Finally, she glanced his way with a small smile. "I agree completely. Graves is certainly competent to help you deal with the remaining issues from your young past, and I don't need to know all of your pain in order to care deeply for you ... to love you." She knew quite well that if she wanted to know, she had backdoors into files she shouldn't, but she also knew she'd never use them where Damion was concerned. Unless his life depended on it, but she couldn't foresee a time that would happen.
She stopped and faced him on the side of the river flowing quietly nearby, putting her hands on his shoulders, smoothing the seams of his shirt. "You know I don't want barriers between us, but I don't see that happening with your counseling sessions. You are entitled to privacy, and you're entitled to the freedom to handle things the way you think best. As it happens, I agree completely with your decision. There's a reason doctors and counselors don't treat their own family members if it can be avoided."
Damion nodded at Elizabeth's comment. He slid his hands to the small of her back and then paused. "Was it--all right with you for me to say what I said? We've kept things...safe, so far. Just friends. Really, really good friends. I don't want to pressure you into feeling anything that you might not feel or might not be ready for. If I'm coming on too fast, tell me so."
Elizabeth felt his anxiety, but the level wasn't high, probably a sign of their maturity as a couple and the comfort they had come to have with each other. "The truth is always alright with me," she told him. "I think we both know there are feelings on both sides. You've wanted to give me time to explore what human emotions mean, and I've wanted to give you time to feel ... I don't know, exactly what. Trust that my feelings are as real as anything felt by biological humans? Maybe that's the best way to think of it.
"There are times when I can be human and times when I have to be what I was designed to be. I don't think either one excludes the other, as both are part of me. It's kind of the same way you are both the Damion I know and an Intelligence Officer who can be other people when needed.
"I want us both to be open about our feelings, and have the freedom to explore those feelings for each other." She laughed a little, looking into his eyes. "I guess that's a long way of saying, I don't feel pressured and you aren't going too fast."
"All right, then," Damion said and smiled at her. "I prefer to be open about our feelings, too. There are still some things to do with us that I'm feeling my way through, things I'd like to talk to you about, but I'm not ready to. I'm still trying to sort out how I feel about them. They are things I can't discuss with Graves--not without betraying your confidence--and I won't do that."
Turning back to the walk, Elizabeth kept her fingers twined with Damion's. "I know that. I trust you completely. I don't know many people who would not be put off by finding out that I'm not human, but you've known and handled it well. I know there are questions about how this affects our future." She glanced at him, "I have questions about that, too, and some possible answers, but that's all trouble for later, not now ... if it is trouble. We'll have to wait and see. I have some plans put in place, some contingencies, which we will discuss in that future time, but for now, I think we are okay with each other as things are."
"You not being human does not put me off," Damion murmured, "and I agree; all is well as things stand."
They ambled along silently for a few minutes, and then she added, "Human or other, no one can handle all things at one time. You're dealing with a lot that needs dealing with at this time. You and I are fine and there's no need to deal with other issues, in my opinion. When it comes to those things later, Graves can't help us. We'll be on our own to work things out ... or decide there's nothing to work out. Either way, for today, we're fine."
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