Lunch and a Decent Proposition

Posted on Wed 22nd Jun, 2022 @ 6:33am by Purulence Addams & Criswell Sandbags

1,681 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: The Hunted
Location: Brown Sector
Timeline: MD-4 1100

Purulence Addams was the first human woman with whom Criswell had had a conversation longer than thirty seconds. He had watched her paint from afar, and a few days ago was lucky enough to get a portrait of his own. He loved her painting, but his favorite part of the whole experience was talking to her. He wanted to do it again, and he'd come up with a great idea. Things were moving fast at work. Qaraq's casino was beginning to look nicer and people were showing interest, be they potential customers or possible employees. He'd been working almost eighteen hours a day, but he was happy to do it. This was the kind of work Criswell was made for. When he told Qaraq about his idea for talking to Purulence, the jolly blue giant had given him a hearty laugh and agreed to give him a break. "Take your time, Criswell," he boomed. "You've earned it!" Criswell had immediately made his way to the kitchen behind the buffet and prepared a few things. He was happy when he found Purulence finishing up with a client.

"Hi Purulence!" he said, taking the empty seat. His smile was broad and his tone was excited, but he was nervous as all-get-out. "I was wondering if you wanted to take a break and have lunch with me. I made grilled cheese sandwiches, with a side of French fries and a fruit salad if you're interested..." He held up the paper bag in his right hand.

"Hi, Criswell." Purulence blinked at Criswell in surprise and then smiled at him. "You're inviting me to lunch? You had me at grilled cheese sandwiches. I love them. Where shall we go to eat, then?"

"Um, usually I eat in the casino," Criswell said. "But it's currently under construction. Where do you like to go?"

"Let's stay in Brown Sector," Purulence said. "There's a nice picnic area in Tivoli Gardens alongside the river where I like to sketch, but by the time we got there, the sandwiches would have cooled too much." She grinned. "Grilled cheese sandwiches are best eaten hot. Would you like to eat in the community center, or maybe in the little plaza just outside it, where there are benches?"

"How about the benches?" Criswell said with a grin. He began to stand, but stopped. "Um, will your art supplies be safe here?"

"No, I'll have to lock everything in my studio room," Purulence said, "Things will walk off if I don't. It's on the way to where the benches are, though, so that'll be fine." She collapsed her easel and zipped it into a carrying bag, slid the remaining canvas boards and paint tubes into a portfolio bag, tore off the top sheet of her palette pad, wadded the paint-daubed sheet into a ball, and tossed it into a nearby waste bin. Then she cleaned off her brushes in turpentine and put them in a case after wiping them dry. At last, she nodded to Criswell. "All set. Let's get this stuff put away so we can enjoy some stellar grilled cheese!"

It didn't take long to run her errand, and soon they were enjoying the sandwiches that had managed to stay hot. The bread was greasy and crispy, the cheese came apart in little gooey strings, and before they even knew it, they were finished. They continued snacking on the sides of fries and fruit salad as they talked.

"I think my favorite human food is French fries," Criswell said, popping a crisp, salty fry into his mouth. "That, and macaroni and cheese."

"The secret to making awesome macaroni and cheese is to add sour cream to the hot noodles just before you add the cheese," Purulence told him. She gave a happy sigh. "It makes the cheese gooey and comes out tasting heavenly when you do that. Top it with some panko bread crumbs, finish it off in the oven for a few minutes, and Mmmm! Delicious."

Criswell's eyes went wide. "Ooh! I've never thought of that! I need to try it. What other hoo-mon, er, human foods do you like? I didn't start trying human food until I came here. And since we're on a Federation starbase, there sure is a lot of it!"

Purulence gave Criswell a wry look. "If it's fattening, I like it. So tamales, pancakes, waffles, crab Rangoon, enchiladas, quiche, kokaches, pizza, pasta, mashed potatoes, chocolate--and if I ate most of it, I'd be as big as a barn. To stay even halfway healthy, I eat mashed cauliflower instead of the potatoes, and spaghetti squash instead of pasta. That sort of thing." She took another bite of her grilled cheese sandwich and smiled at the flavor. "What kinds of foods do you like?"

Criswell fidgeted a little. "Well, I'm sort of figuring that out... I like fried chicken, fried fish, French fries, fried French..." he smiled at his little joke. "What is a quiche? It sounds like it should be something squishy."

Purulence chuckled. "You are just waiting for a state fair to go to, so you can eat fried ice cream and fried Snickers bars!" She smiled at him. "Quiche is sort of a savory egg custard pie. You mix eggs with heavy cream, add some chopped bacon or spinach, and pour the mixture into a pie crust. Then you sprinkle grated cheese on top and bake it. When it comes out of the oven, the inside is hot and fluffy and delicious."

She leaned her head to one side and regarded him curiously. "You were raised on Ferenginar, weren't you? Are you curious about Earth food because it's so unlike what you grew up eating?"

"Well, in terms of preparation, Ferengi foods aren't too different. There is a large emphasis on protein, and a lot of foods are fried. Ferengi like insects, worms, slugs, and reptiles, either fried or mixed with several other ingredients. It seems most humans find it disgusting, but Ferengi spices are what does the trick for me. They also like some vegetables and various beans. There's a Ferengi dish my father makes in his restaurant with fried slugs and beetles mixed with sweet and spicy peppers, sauces, and refried Lokar beans, wrapped in a seaweed shell. It's very delicious! I have yet to find a human food like it!"

"I grew up eating foods similar to what Ferengi like occasionally, along with what humans normally eat," Purulence said, "but I draw the line at insects. Have you ever tried the Ferengi restaurants on the barges that travel up and down the river in Tivoli Gardens, or have you been more interested in getting acquainted with human food?"

"I've rarely ever been to Tivoli Gardens," Criswell said with a shrug. "I've heard about the Ferengi restaurants, though. I wouldn't mind trying them some time."

"When you decide you're ready to try them, let me know, and I'll take you out to lunch there sometime," Purulence said. "Their poached krellfish eggs are pretty good."

"I do love krellfish eggs! Maybe we could go next week sometime," Criswell said, smiling.

"Deal," Purulence said. "My fiancé won't touch Ferengi food except for algae puffs, so I would love to take you there and enjoy a full meal with you."

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you regarding the casino," Criswell said, shifting topics and sounding very businesslike. "Things are coming along very quickly. We're getting new equipment and remodeling a lot of the space on both floors. It's looking really good, but it 'lacks character,' as Mr. Qaraq put it. I was wondering if you would like to paint a mural on the walls of the casino? Something of your own design. I've already presented the idea to Mr. Qaraq and got his permission to ask you. He's willing to negotiate a fee if you accept. He was very impressed with the portrait you painted me."

FINALLY, he gets to the point! Purulence thought, amused. "I've never painted a mural for a casino, but yes, I'm interested in the project. It's very kind of you to suggest me to your boss." She reluctantly swallowed the last, heavenly bite of grilled cheese sandwich and wiped her hands clean. "Would it be possible for me to meet Mr. Qaraq and discuss ideas with him? I know you said he was willing to let me come up with my own design, but I would like to get a good idea of the sorts of things he wants before I begin designing anything. Also, I need to see how much of the wall space I'll be able to work with."

"I can arrange that!" Criswell said. He sounded very excited. "I had an idea that he really liked, but I think you should hear it from him."

"All right." Purulence collected sandwich wrappers and empty cups and tossed them into the recycler. "That was a delicious lunch, Criswell. Thank you! I'm ready to go."

Criswell nodded. "I should be getting back to my duties as well," he said. "I enjoyed our conversation!"

"So did I," Purulence said. "Now, on to Mr. Qaraq."

"Yes," Criswell said. "I can contact you later to schedule a time, or if you want you could visit the bar in the casino. Mr. Qaraq likes to tend it himself, and he's finding it a convenient way to make business talks more casual." Criswell added, "He's also looking for another bartender. If you know anyone..."

"Oh, now that could be fun. I could bring Ignatius down there with me and introduce you. All right, I'll visit Qaraq's casino this evening, then. As for a potential assistant bartender--I don't know anyone. There's that drop-dead gorgeous doorman at Orchids & Jazz, but he seems pretty happy where he is, and I don't know if he's licensed to tend bar. I'll keep an ear out, though."

"Splendid!" Criswell said. "Well, bye for now," he added with a small wave.

"I'll see you this evening," Purulence said with a nod and headed home to do coursework.

 

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